Let’s Check Our “But”s

If you’ve ever been a child (especially one with a sibling) or had children or been a classroom full of children, chances are you’ve encountered a situation like this: there has been an argument. It seems HUGE. There have been oaths sworn about never talking to someone again, about hating them, about being so angry. There have been threats to run away, perhaps even tiny pink suitcases packed with all the most precious things–My Little Ponies, a toothbrush, a favorite stuffed animal.

Then the authority figure steps in. Oh, we all know those scowls, don’t we? We know the look on our mom’s or dad’s or teacher’s face–and if we’re parents ourselves, we know what it feels like on our own face. When it was us as the child, we felt that tightness in the chest. The burn of fury. The certainty that they didn’t understand.

Then come the words: “Apologize to your sister” or “Hug and make up” or “Sit down and work things out.”

And what is the response, every…single…time? “But…!”

Somewhere in the argument is a but. Maybe it’s the first word: “But she started it!” Maybe it’s somewhere in the middle: “I would, but…”

What happens next? Did Mom just say, “Yeah, you’re right. She’s mean. You have a right to be angry. In fact, you should hit her back. Then you should stand over her and gloat. And finally, you know what you should do? You should tell her she hates this family and is a disgrace to us all and that it’s about time she gets what’s coming to her. Oh, and while you’re at it? Tell her I told you to do it.”

Of course not. What did she really say? “I’ll handle your sister’s punishment if she did something wrong. Your job is to forgive her and ask to be forgiven. You’re not faultless here. Now go to your room and think about it.” (Okay, yes, sometimes Mom is so frustrated by now this is shortened to just, “I said go to your room!” But you get the idea.)

We’re grownups now. No Mom or Dad or teacher standing over us to referee our relationships or attitudes. But we’re not off the hook. Because we have a Father who’s even more a stickler than our parents were. And we know what He says:

Love your enemies.
Pray for those who persecute you.
Love and do not hate.
Forgive your brother seventy times seven times.
Keep no record of wrongs.
Turn the other cheek.
When they take your coat, offer your shirt too.

I am grieved at how I’m seeing Christians act today. I don’t honestly care about your politics or who you voted for or what side you come down on on certain issues. I don’t care if we agree or disagree on current events.

What I do care about is the bitterness, darkness, and gloating I’m seeing in people who are supposed to follow the Light. I’m seeing people who want to turn over the money tables but aren’t so keen on loving the money changers. I’m seeing a lot of people who, like the disciples, are eager to call down fire and brimstone on the town that didn’t accept the Gospel, but I’m not seeing many people advocating for mercy–the very mercy Christ offered those offenders.

You know what I’ve had to start doing? Every time I see a post that espouses something I don’t agree with, I remind myself of God’s perfect call concerning that person: LOVE THEM

And then I examine my gut reaction. Is it, “Yes, Lord. Help me to love them better. Draw them ever closer to you. Remove the speck from my eye so that I can love them better”?

Or is it, “But they’ve been trampling on my rights for years!” or “I do love them, but they’re getting what they deserve!” or “But they’re wrong and I’m right!”?

If my answer to “love them” includes a “but,” then I’m doing it wrong. Then I’m the one who needs to ask for forgiveness. Because my job in this world is not to be the parent, doling out punishment. My job is to LOVE THEM. God will handle the ultimate sorting, and if I’m sitting in my room smirking at the thought of those other people being punished, then I am not loving them. If my first concern is for what I stand to gain instead of what someone else stands to lose, then I am not loving them. If my attitude turns someone away from Christ and His Church, then guess what? Not only am I not loving them, I’m damaging the very thing I should be pursuing.

If I apply a label to a person, stance, or action and use that label as an excuse for why they should be dismissed or treated poorly, then I am not loving them. And if my first reaction to someone pointing it out is, “But this isn’t about God’s love, this is about justice,” then guess what? I am not loving them. God loves mercy more than justice.

Why does it matter?

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13)

So…how did the Lord forgive us?

He gave up everything He had (a home in Heaven) to come into our filth.
He gathered not the self-proclaimed righteous, but the sinners to His table.
He healed every disease.
He welcomed the stranger.
He forgave those who hurt Him.
He died to take our sins on Himself.
He called a political dissident (a Zealot) and a tax collector for Rome and made them part of the same inner circle.

Church, we’re not just acting like the world right now instead of Jesus. We’re acting worse than the world, because we know better. We are not children any longer. When God tells us to love our enemies (which He has never stopped doing), you know what we need to do?

We need to check our “but”s. If any sneak into our response, then we had better stop right there, fall to our knees, and pray for forgiveness. There is no room for but in God’s love.