Why?

It’s one of the most fundamental questions. And any parent knows that on the lips of a small child, it’s a sign of curiosity, of a desire to soak in and understand the world. I know when my kids entered the “why” phase, it was by turns delightful and frustrating. I loved fostering their understanding and curiosity…but I didn’t always know the why, and many times, I didn’t care about the why.

Yet every time life throws us a curve ball or something happens that we don’t want, that age-old question usually pops into our minds, just like a toddler who wants to know. Why?

I said a few weeks ago in one of my cancer updates that I was choosing not to ask why–and here’s why. (ha…ha…ha…)

Why can be a wonderful question brimming with curiosity…when we ask it in the right way. When we ask it from that place of wanting-to-understand from a sense of wonder. But that isn’t how most of us use the question in those times. When I ask, “Why did my son get Type 1 Diabetes,” am I really asking about the triggers of an autoimmune disease and its genetics…or am I asking, “God, why did you let this happen?”

The first is a question that has some degree of answer–we learned that both parents have to carry the gene, and that any change to the body, be it a cold or puberty, can trigger that gene to activate. The second…the second isn’t really a question, is it? It’s an accusation.

And I think many times when we ask why as adults, that’s how we mean it.

Why did I get cancer?
Why did she die?
Why did that storm take the house?
Why did he get dementia?

But even accusations can be useful…if we actually want an answer. And if we’re willing to accept that the answer may be “Why not?”

My amazing virtual assistant, Rachel, tells that story of when her son was born without an immune system. She wanted him to be miraculously healed. She cried out, “Why, God? Why us?” And she heard God say, “Why not? Why not you? Why can I not use you to reach others through this? Why can I not choose to protect him every day instead of healing him once now?”

She will tell you that that moment marked a change–because she listened. She accepted that answer. She began to look at it in a different way. And God did protect her little boy day by day for years.

We can ask why. We can ask with a heart of wonder, ready to receive an answer that isn’t as cut and dry as what a toddler demands. We can ask knowing that sometimes we won’t get any answer at all, or not one we want. We can ask hoping to learn something about the world and how it all works.

We can…but too often we don’t. Because we’re angry and hurt and feel betrayed. Because we don’t want to know, we just want things to be different. We ask with closed hearts and closed minds and closed opinions. It’s natural. It’s an understandable, emotional response. We may just have to work our way through that.

But my hope and prayer for us all is that we can shift our perspective–first to ask that question with an open heart and an open mind…but then to ask another question instead.

Ask how.

How will God use this?
How will it shape me?
How will I respond?
How will I shine His light through this?
How will this bring Him glory?
How will I draw closer to Him and to others through this?
How will He surprise me?
How will He meet me on this journey?
How can I grow?

We can seek out the why, and sometimes we even find the answer. But it’s not usually something that we can do anything about. The how, on the other hand…the how is quite often something we can choose–or something we can stay always aware of, making ourselves clay in the Potter’s hands. The how can keep our minds focused on the Lord and His ways and our own hearts.

Questions are good. Questions can expand our minds and enlighten our hearts…when we use them to seek wisdom and understanding, from a place of wonder. But questions can be weapons and shields, when we lob them like accusations and then stop our ears because we don’t actually want to hear the answers.

Questions can lead us to self-awareness and God-awareness…or they can close us off and make us hard.

Which questions are you dwelling on today?

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