One of the reasons I love writing historicals is to show that the heart of humanity has never changed. No matter whether you’re talking about ancient Egyptians or modern Americans or anything in between, there are a few things that we will always seek–our dreams, our goals, our pleasures, family, love, escape from the things we fear.
But we think we’ve changed. Evolved. Graduated out of certain things. I wonder though. I wonder if we have.
This has been quite a year so far, hasn’t it? Gun violence, sexual impropriety, you name it. We’ve had the #metoo movement, new scandal in the Catholic church, and the Christian publishing industry is rumbling with harassment charges and other improprieties brought to the fore as well.
And my heart hurts. Not just for the women who have suffered (though of course, I ache for them). Not just for the men who may have been accused unjustly but will not be given an “innocent until proven guilty” look from anyone again. Not just for the victims and families ripped apart by violence. Not even just for the church that keeps taking a pounding.
I ache for humanity, who has still not learned that it’s not enough to react.
I’ve been chewing on these thoughts for weeks, months, and I’m still not sure I can adequately put them into words, but I want to try. I want to try so that you can add your words and thoughts, and others can add theirs, and maybe at some point, someone will hit upon something that will actually allow for change.
At any rate, here is what I keep coming back to:
Reacting isn’t enough.
Treating the symptoms isn’t enough.
As long as this is all we do, we’re going to keep on doing it forever, because nothing is ever going to change.
It isn’t enough to tell men, “You hurt me.” It isn’t enough for others to say, “Now you’ll be punished.” We have to first teach people what is sacred, to have respect. We have to change the heart–not just the actions. Both are required to achieve real change in society–teaching first, enforcement second.
The idea of “sexual freedom” has led us so quickly to this, and I will never believe anyone who tells me otherwise. A generation of women has systematically broadcast the message that sex isn’t something sacred, their bodies aren’t something to be respected, and since it’s just fun, why not indulge whenever you want? On their terms, of course. Only ever on their terms.
But when something is offered more or less freely–free of consequences, free of entanglements, free of stigma, free of judgment–it’s only one short step down to thinking it’s something you don’t even have to ask for, right?
And from a society that thinks sex is something to be enjoyed whenever they please, it’s only one short step down from thinking it’s something they have a
right to take whenever they please. And from there, one more step down to thinking they
should take it whenever they please, from
whomever they please. Should they, do they? No. But that’s the message the people of this age have received.
Why?
Because that’s what they’ve been taught. We’ve gone from tolerating to accepting to applauding sexual promiscuity in both men and women. We fantasize about it and champion it. And then we’re outraged when it’s abused and misused.
Yes, the abuse and misuse is terrible. I hate it. But just reacting with outrage will NEVER change it.
Let’s turn for a second to the church. You know what was in the headlines the week before 9/11? Sexual scandal in the Catholic church. And that certainly wasn’t the first time it hit the news. This has obviously been around for a long, loooooong time. Why? Because instead of being dealt with, the accused priests are just moved somewhere else, and the hierarchy accuses the media of sensationalizing and attacking. There are people who have admitted they became priests SO THAT they could prey on people with no consequences, knowing if they were caught and accused, they’d simply be moved elsewhere. I’m sure those cases are few. But the fact that they exist at all points to a major flaw in the system that the church doesn’t seem inclined to correct.
So how do we fix it? That’s the question, right? How to teach people to respect each other? How do we teach people that some things are sacred? How to make them actually change?
This seemed like a really hard question to answer until I read Love Does and Everybody Always by Bob Goff. He presented an answer to this very question that is both ridiculously simple and ridiculously hard. LOVE THEM.
At the end of his second book, Mr. Goff talks about witchdoctors in Uganda. These are people who have been hated and feared since the dawn of time. So feared that even the justice system never dared to arrest and accuse and try them. Until finally they did, and justice finally began to move.
But that wasn’t enough. Because it only reacted to the problem. It treated the symptoms. It didn’t cure the disease. So they started educating the witchdoctors. They started loving them. They started telling them that God loved them too. And you know what? Now the people who were once sacrificing children, are saving them.
This is the power of love. This is how real change is made. We teach people to respect life, to respect each other, to love each other. We show them the better way–and we punish those who abuse it. Quickly and effectively. We demand of each other that we Be. Better.
I joked to my best friend that instead of just #MeToo, we needed the hashtag #StopBeingASchmuck or maybe #BeBetter. The first was just me being silly, but the second has some truth in it. It isn’t easy to be better. But if it’s something we desire, it’s achievable. First, though, we have to inspire that desire.
Let’s love each other. Let’s love the monsters as well as the victims because it’s those who deserve it least who end up valuing it most. Those forgiven much will love much. Let’s teach each other that love comes first, and that where there is love, there is respect. There is sanctity. And where there is love, respect, and sanctity, there is the Good.
We can’t just keep reacting. We have to
#BeBetter.
Wondering if I’ve ever dealt with issues of sexual abuse or misuse of power in my books? Here are a few of my stories that have heroines who have been forced into such situations and experience the healing power of a God who is love and the people who choose to embody Him.
In
A Stray Drop of Blood, Abigail is a slave forced to the bed of her master. She doesn’t speak up because she doesn’t think she has a voice, and she fears the consequences if she does. But Abigail learns that even in her darkest hour, her God really does hear even her. Purchase a signed copy
HERE.
In Jewel of Persia, Kasia finds herself a member of a harem–one of many women not just in her husband’s past, but in his present. How can she love a man who doesn’t value the sacred union like she does? Purchase a signed copy HERE.
In The Reluctant Duchess, Rowena suffers what today would be classified as date rape. And her father’s answer is to try to make her marry the man who attacked her. She ends up accepting the help of another man–a kind, Godly man–but learning to trust him is no easy task. Purchase a signed copy HERE.
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.
Thank you, Roseanna, for this reasonable, well-written post. It's a breath of fresh air in all the smog out there right now.
Sorry, it looked like it was, and my email notifications don't distinguish between replies and new comment. Apologies.
Yeah, that one wasn't a reply to yours, just under it, LOL.
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Allow me to rephrase the "I will never believe" portion. I've heard it all. I've read the arguments. I've listened to them. I grew up in an age where it was just expected that you live together before marriage and that everyone has sex with their boyfriend.
I've heard it. And I reject it. I reject it because it goes against every single thing God has taught us: that our bodies are meant to be temples of the Holy Spirit, respected and taken care of. Sex is meant to be not JUST for pleasure, but for a holy union. When we strip the sacred completely away, we're left with an imitation of what it can be. Sex is a powerful thing. It's addictive. So like any controlled substance, a bit of CONTROL over how we use it is wise.
If it's blaming/shaming to say that womankind has willingly embraced sex as simple fun and that, along with men, they're now seeing consequences of that, then so be it. I believe in the law of actions and reaction. But I also believe in grace…when people ask for it. But that requires first recognizing that something has gone wrong. We can't fix the problem if we deny its root. And at the root of this problem is the idea that men AND women have embraced.
There are real victims in this. I hurt for them. And I also hurt for the generations that have been taught that something beautiful doesn't matter. Is that closed-minded? Funny…I thought not accepting the party-line was rather the opposite. This is something I've thought through for years. But then again, we're living in an age where the only invalid thought is the one that there's a Right and Wrong, so…call me what you will. I believe in Truth, and if that makes me closed-minded, so be it.
I am very disappointed in you. I thought you were better than this. I am done with your books. "I will never believe anyone who tells me otherwise." Wow, that is really closed minded and also woman-shaming/blaming.
Very interesting and relevant post. I think part of the problem with the #metoo movement is something inherent in human nature: the desire to blame, or rather to create goodies vs. baddies.
What troubles is the underlying assumption that all women are angels and guileless victims who cannot lie, and all men are evil predators. Nuh- uh. Women can be just as bad- and women can also be abusers. Its something we as a society have trouble accepting, but its the truth.
Its telling in a way that one of the pioneers of the #MeToo movement has herself been embroiled in allegations of sexual impropriety with an underage male.
I agree though that is, in some way, a result of the Sexual Revolution. As much as people hate on your Vice President Mike Pence for his rule about only ever meeting women (except relatives) in a public places, I think its a good rule.
People moan and say its misogynistic and implies women can't be trusted, but I can see that's not the thinking behind it at all. Its about accountability and everything being out in the open, so there can't be any allegations of private immorality or impropriety- and most of all, about not exposing yourself to temptation.
I almost see it as a bit like the old practice having chaperones. They did not have chaperones because the women were seen as 'the problem', or because they were seem as untrustworthy but more the idea of accountability: that you would not do something inappropriate if you knew there was someone watching. It was the sense of right and wrong, and the fear of transgressing it. Also, to be honest, I think it protected women.
This sounds a lot like GRACE. God loves us no matter what, but He also teaches us to choose the right things. It's a shame the world cannot see that His way is best. Thanks for the lovely thoughts, Roseanna! Very tough article, but I'm proud of you for standing strong!
Yep, excellent point. Loving our enemies is HARD and not often possible without God. Even for people of faith, that's hard. But we can start with ourselves. Respect ourselves, teach our kids that some things ARE sacred. Work on changing the perspective and the heart. And once we're working on that basic love I think we'll be amazed at how God then takes us into that next step.
I always appreciate your thoughts and I can imagine just how difficult it is to voice ones on this subject intelligently…and you have. I am just going to say that (for me, anyway) it was not possible to 'love the monsters' without first being regenerated by the Holy Spirit and knowing who I am in Christ, and trusting in God's sovereignty.