Every now and then, I get tired. I get overwhelmed. I get bogged down with particulars, with comparisons, with frustrations. And that’s when the beast rears its ugly head.
Insecurity.
We all know it, right? It’s that voice that whispers in the back of our minds, “You’re never going to be able to pull this off. You’re doing a terrible job. So-and-so is so much better than you at this.” Which moves naturally into other whispered thoughts. “Why do you bother? Nothing ever works out like you want it to anyway. Just put it aside and take a break.”
I expect anyone who’s human goes through this from time to time. And if you’re like me, you can recognize it, but by then you’re already in its claws. Those voices tend to be sneaky, and they work fast. It only takes a few seconds for them to toss you into a downward spiral.
Those of us who are Christians know that when those moments strike, we need to pray, to give it to the Lord. I’ve tried quite a few versions of this. For years, I would pray, “Lord, send me some encouragement.” And he always, always did.
But lately I’ve turned to a different prayer. Lately I’ve stopped thinking that this is just a phase or a rut that He needs to pull me out of and have begun to see it’s one the enemy tries to push me into–and that I don’t have to go, certainly not without a fight. And if we fight in the name of Jesus, victory is guaranteed.
Several times over the past months, I’d done what I called with my friend, “Gave myself a time out and let God give me a talking to.” This is to combat the attitude resulting from that awful little voice of insecurity. And it works. Those feelings are never from God, so when I refuse to indulge them AND fill my mind instead with His word, with His truth . . . wow. It’s really amazing how things turn around.
Yesterday I had a headache, a mile-high to-do list, and I started hearing that nasty little whisper of, “You can’t pull this off, you know. It’s going to flop. And your WIP is just terrible, you’ll never get past chapter four.”
It only took me a second to realize this wasn’t something I had to indulge, that it wasn’t something I had to let be real. I squeezed my eyes shut then and there and prayed. I gave it all to Him, I soaked up His love, and I got back to work. (Okay, I also took a little nap to help the headache. Then got up feeling muuuuuuch better, so got back up to work.)
Fleeting thoughts need not rule us. Whispers need not find their voices in our mouths.
Because we serve the Word. We serve the Victor.
Whether we’re battling insecurity, fear, jealousy, or something more physical like exhaustion, illness, cancer, the battle has already been waged and won.
It doesn’t always feel like it–but it doesn’t have to. I have to remind myself sometimes that it isn’t about feeling. Feelings are emotions, which by definition involved motion–moving. But He never moves. He never changes. If we rest in Him, we don’t have to either. We can just be . . . at peace.
Roseanna M. White is a bestselling, Christy Award winning author who has long claimed that words are the air she breathes. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two kids, editing, designing book covers, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of a slew of historical novels that span several continents and thousands of years. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to find their way into her books…to offset her real life, which is blessedly ordinary.
Love it when things are for both of us at once. =) And I'm nearly through that dratted chapter four!
Funny. I sent a book proposal off this morning and was battling the same beast the whole time I prepped. A well-timed post 🙂