What Is (Not) Vulnerability

What Is (Not) Vulnerability

Thank you for being vulnerable.

This is a phrase I hear frequently in response to my musings here…and especially since I embarked on my cancer journey. When I posted a couple weeks about Happy Endings and how there’s no shame in it being hard, I was inundated with comments, private messages, and emails, all expressing that same sentiment: thank you for being vulnerable.

But what does it mean to be vulnerable? And what does it not mean? That’s something David and I were talking about after the responses began rolling in.

See, I’ve always operated on the philosophy that, as a writer, if I’m not being vulnerable in both my fiction and my nonfiction musings here on my website, then it’s not worth it. Vulnerability is what allows for connection. Vulnerability is what invites you in. And only when hearts are stripped bare can they be moved. The stories–true or fictional–that have changed my life forever are the ones that pull me in deep, make me feel things I’ve never felt before or give voice to feelings I’ve never been able to express. They’re the ones that make me go, “YES, THAT!” or “Whoa, really? Wow, I’ve never seen it that way…”

When I’m writing novels, I certainly haven’t lived through most of the things I put my characters through–but I make myself feel it along with them. I dig down until it hurts, until I’ve fully planted myself in their situation. Their aches and fears and losses, their joys and victories and hopes all need to be mine, if I want them to them be yours. Sometimes that’s hard. Other times, that’s easy.

But it’s different here, where I’m writing my own reflections, my own life, my own lessons, my own pains and griefs and challenges. My own hopes and fears and wonders. Here, I can’t hide behind “Well, it’s only fiction” if someone doesn’t like what I have to say. And of course not everyone is going to like what I have to say…but at the same time, I never seek controversy. What do I seek?

Dialogue
Introspection
Self-awareness
Empathy
Resonance

As David and I were talking about this the other week, I said something about how I don’t want to be transparent about everything–I mean, no one needs to know how many times I ran to the bathroom after a particular round of chemo, right? But he replied with something that really struck me. “Transparency is not the same thing as vulnerability.”

I believe my response was something along the lines of, “Interesting. Say more.”

We were in the car at the time, so he drew my attention to a particular yard we drive past on this particular drive that makes me cringe every time I look at it. Because this yard is FULL of political posters. Very large signs proclaiming this person’s preferred candidate, with some not-so-savory ones against his not-preferred candidate as well. David said, “That guy’s yard, all those signs–that’s transparent. You know exactly how he feels about politics. Would you call it vulnerable?”

I didn’t even have to hesitate. “No. I’d call it aggressive.”

And vulnerability and aggression do not mix. Which is why this thought was so striking.

We live in an age of outrage, where people, both on social media and then now even in person, are very vocal about their opinions. But those opinions are rarely presented with vulnerability. They’re transparent…but aggressive. They’re presented in a way that says, “Disagree with me, I dare you.” Or perhaps, “If you have any intelligence, you’ll agree.”

Very open…very out-there…very transparent.

But not vulnerable.

What, then, makes something vulnerable? What is it that vulnerability does differently? I think, for one thing, that where transparency presents strength, vulnerability is also honest about weakness. Where transparency shares one’s stance on something, vulnerability also shows one’s struggles with something. Where transparency puts your feelings out there, vulnerability invites everyone in.

There’s nothing inviting about those aggressive statements of opinion, is there? I can say in all honesty that when I see a business proclaiming their political leanings–whichever leaning that is–it makes me not want to do business there. Because I’m not interested in having someone else’s opinions foisted on me, even if I agree with them. That’s not an invitation–it’s a shout. I want to be invited into conversations. I want to have real dialogue on what matters. I want to know that what we say to each other will be thoughtfully considered, not used to label or brand.

This is what vulnerability seeks to do. Not to say “This is what I think” as a statement of fact…but to say “This is what I’ve been thinking about” as a message of ongoing consideration. Not to say “This is what I know” but rather “This is what I’m learning.” Vulnerability isn’t about the simple, but about the process of working through complexities. It’s about letting other people into that process.

I am keenly aware as I post updates about my health that I want to be honest and open, but not just any kind of honest and open. I want to be the kind that resonates with whatever you are going through. Whether it’s cancer or a chronic illness or an emotional struggle or watching a loved one go through something, whether it’s something you’ve already been through or are walking through now or will deal with in the future. I don’t just want you to watch my journey and feel sorry for me. I want to invite you to walk it with me. That means knowing the struggles, yes, but in a way that gives voice to your own. I want you to laugh with me so that you remember to laugh when it’s you. I want you to cry with me so that you know it’s okay to cry when it hurts. I want you to see the hope in my journey so that you recognize it in your own. And I want you to know that when you reply and share your own struggles, that is the most precious gift you could give.

I’ve long operated on that philosophy of “Words are only worthwhile when they’re vulnerable.” It’s true for me now more than ever. And the beautiful thing? When I share my heart and hear that it touched yours, when people reach out every week to say that my way of handling this is inspiring and encouraging, it’s fuel to keep walking worthy of the call of Christ. To keep being vulnerable. To keep inviting people in.

Because when you do, you find that the whole journey changes. It becomes a lot less contentious, less stressful, less worthy-of-complaint…and a whole lot more edifying. And I don’t know about you, but that’s the only kind of journey I’m interested in. How blessed we are, then, that we can choose to make any journey THAT kind of journey. All it takes is knowing what kind of “open” we need to be.

My Heartkeeper

My Heartkeeper

A few weeks ago, I was reading a guided meditation by Mother Theresa called I THIRST–all about how what Jesus is thirsting for on the cross is YOU, and a deeper relationship with you. The idea of the meditation is to read it (or listen to it) as if Jesus is sitting in the room with you. Imagine His voice. Imagine the look on His face as He talks to you about how precious you are to Him. It begins with Him standing at the door of your heart, knocking. A familiar image, right? I bet we’ve all seen a painting of the scene.

What keeps us from opening the doors of our hearts fully and not just letting Him into the entryway, but all the way into the crevices of our hearts?

As I pondered the question, imagining Jesus sitting in the pew in front of me, turned around to look at me, I thought about what keeps me from letting people deep into my house. Because let’s face it–many of us have those places guests aren’t welcome, right? The door we keep closed, because it’s where we’ve shoved the mess, or the part we never bother cleaning up, or the basement storage that just isn’t fit for view. I readily admit I’m not a great housekeeper, so when you come to my house, you’re not going to see my master bedroom with the desk piled high with all the things waiting to be filed, or the master bathroom with all the laundry I haven’t gotten around to folding and putting away.

I’m not proud of the mess, but it piles up more quickly than I can find the time to deal with it. So what would I need to let people that deeply in? I mentally smirked and answered: A housekeeper.

And I imagined Jesus smirking right back. I imagined Him joking with me. “You want me to be your spiritual housekeeper?”

It seems a little insulting for the King of kings, I know, so I quickly said, “Well, no…actually, kinda. I do want you to be my heartkeeper.”

It’s funny to think of. I mean, we all know that He doesn’t expect us to get “cleaned up” before we let Him in. We know that He’s the one that does the cleaning. And not just a top-level shine, not if we truly let Him work. He cleans out the cabinets and organizes the drawers. He throws out all the expired stuff in the pantry. He wades through the mess on the floor of the closet and helps us sort out what clothes deserve hanger space and what should just be gotten rid of. He’ll even remember to vacuum under furniture and dust those top shelves we can never reach. Why? Because He loves us, and He wants to know every part of us.

He wants every part of us to become Him. To be so permeated by His spirit that there’s nothing left we cling to as ours. We only cling to Him, because we are His.

Then…then a beautiful thing happens. As the Spirit works in this spiffy space Jesus has made, things start to grow. Our house turns into an estate with gardens, with vineyards, with fields. Trees bud and bloom and grow fruit. Fruit of love, of joy, of peace. Fruit of patience and kindness and goodness, of faithfulness and gentleness and self-control.

But that fruit…it isn’t for us. That’s something I mused about back in 2020 in a post I still love. Fruit is not for the sustenance of the tree. Fruit is not for the sake of the plant that bears it. Fruit is for others. Fruit is meant to be a tempting morsel for animals to enjoy so that they then spread the seeds.

It’s no accident that Paul likens our spiritual growth to fruit. We’re not meant to grow just for our own sakes. We’re meant to grow so that others want a taste. So that the seeds of eternal life are scattered, so that they can take root, so that they can grow in others.

We have to let Jesus into those shadows of our heart so that His work can dig down deep, so that we can then produce fruit to nourish the souls of others, so that they want to invite Him in too.

Because Jesus thirsts for me…and He also thirsts for YOU. He thirsts for THEM. He thirsts for all of us. There isn’t a soul ever to be born on this planet that our good Father doesn’t love so much, that Jesus doesn’t yearn to know. Fully. Completely. Inside and out. Every crack and crevice.

I think for many of us, it isn’t that we intentionally say, “This far and no farther, Lord.” I think for most of us, we’re just lazy. “This far” seems good enough, because opening that other door will take time we don’t have. We forget. We get so caught up in our exterior lives that we don’t have the energy for the internal.

But you know what, friends? He’s standing right beside us. He’s sitting right there, watching. He’s smiling, and He’s patient, and He isn’t going anywhere. Because when you’re thirsty, really thirsty, you don’t just take a sip of water and then walk away from the glass, do you? You keep it in your hand and your drink until you’ve had your fill.

He’s never going to have His fill of us. So He’ll keep us always in His hand. And our hearts…He’ll keep those too, and make them not into a showcase, but into a working, living, breathing, growing, bountiful estate. An estate with its gates flung wide. And estate producing fruit.

Do you hear Him knocking today?

The Fruit of the Spirit image above was created by AI to be based on the colorful style of Leonid Afremov; I then added the written fruits and tucked them into the paint daubs. We now have it printed on canvas and displayed in our bedroom, beside an actual Leonid Afremov painting.

$21.27

Happy Endings

Happy Endings

It isn’t that I was having a particularly bad day. I wasn’t throwing up–like I’d done the last two Fridays and Saturdays. I wasn’t as tired as I’d been the day before, when I’d had to take two different naps. There was no pain to address. I just felt generally icky. And generally tired.

When my mom and my best friend asked how I was feeling, I could report on that, and they both responded with something along the lines of, “Oh good! Glad it’s not so bad today.”

Here’s the thing, though. It didn’t feel good. I could recognize that it was better than some other days, but I was tired, and I was tired of being tired and feeling sick. I just wanted a day where I picked what I would eat based on what I wanted rather than what wouldn’t make me feel even worse. I wanted to want to sit at my desk and work, and I didn’t. I knew I had nothing concrete to complain about…but the constantness of feeling bad weighed heavily that day, and as David and I went to bed that night, we talked a little about it.

And we talked about happy endings. Maybe this is going to sound strange, LOL, but bear with me.

A friend sent me a book called 50 Days of Hope: Daily Inspiration for Your Journey through Cancer by Lynn Eib. This is a truly beautiful little book that I absolutely love. In it, Lynn tells about her own cancer diagnosis when she was only 36, and how she kept running into people who wanted to tell her all about other people with cancer…many of whom died. She learned to interrupt them and ask, “Does this story have a happy ending? Because if not, I don’t want to hear it.”

I love that–it made me grin when I read it. It’s something I’ve observed a lot in the Type 1 Diabetes community as well, that as soon as a child is diagnosed, people want to tell stories about this or that person they knew who died of complications…and that is SO NOT HELPFUL. When you hear a teen gets their license, the first thing you say shouldn’t be, “So-and-so was killed in an accident on their very first solo drive,” right? That’s not helpful. Obviously bad things happen to people, but those don’t need to be the stories we dwell on constantly. Let’s instead tell stories of people being victorious, of people being successful, of people defying the odds, doing great things, finding healing.

And yet…I’ve noticed something else as the reality of cancer treatments stretches out day after day.

Sometimes, happy endings feel pretty mocking…when you’re in the midst of the rocky middle.

I’ve heard countless stories during this time, all meant to be encouraging, of people who “weren’t sick a day of treatment” or who “didn’t miss a day of work.” Now, at the outset, before I’d gotten started, I loved these stories. These were the happy endings I wanted to hear about! This was the hope I wanted to cling to!

But…

But my reality looks different, which I discovered as I went. I am sick. I am tired. If I had a traditional job, I’d be missing some days, or at least some hours. Maybe “many people never even get sick,” but I’m one of the ones who has, and after hanging over the toilet, those stories of other people who didn’t aren’t so encouraging anymore.

Here’s the funny thing, though. It isn’t that they’re discouraging or that I feel jealous of their experience. It’s that I feel a strange sort of shame, like I’m not doing it right. Now, I know intellectually this is silly. But it’s a real thing we experience sometimes, isn’t it? We feel as though we ought to have been able to do something to make it that way instead of this way. We feel like if they could do it without missing a day of work, then we ought to have been able to manage it too, and we’re somehow falling short. We’re a disappointment. We’re a failure. We feel as though we ought to have chosen something different, when the fact is that we don’t always get to choose. 

We feel as though people are judging us as weak. Even though we know they (probably) aren’t, the thought is still there. I’m not “doing cancer” as well as she did. I’m not as tough. I’m not as strong. I’m not as able.

In those moments, other people’s stories, other people’s happy endings aren’t necessarily what we need to hear.

There is a happy ending on the horizon–I 100% believe that. But right now? Right now, I’m not in that part of the book. We’re still in the middle of the story, and sometimes I love just looking at it like a writer. Because then I can see that my inciting incident has to lead to some twists and turns. It has to include dark moments and wrestling with lies. It has to feel sometimes like “all is lost.” It has to, because those are the elements of a good story…and good stories borrow their elements from real life.

It has to have those negative things, because life does. And because the beautiful moments, the wins, the victories, the climaxes are only amazing because of the dark places.

Lynn Eib mused in her wonderful little book that she’d never met anyone who took their diagnosis totally in stride and didn’t experience fear or denial or get upset, at least a little. Well, I can honestly say that my diagnosis had none of those things. Because, I said, I’m a novelist. I’d already explored all the different plot options. I’d played them all out like a story in my mind, so when I got the news, I seriously thought, “Okay, Lord. This is the story you’re writing for me then. Okay. Let’s do it.”

And it still feels that way. I’m not afraid or depressed or defeated. But you know what…that doesn’t mean I get to skip to the happy ending, either. I’m still in the midst of it, and the midst involves some not-pleasant parts. I would have loved to be one of “those people” who bypassed some of these side-effects, but I’m not. There’s no shame in that, no weakness, no regret. Right now, I’m living through the rocky middle. It isn’t fun, and I don’t like doing it.

But I know it’s what leads me to the place I want to end up. I know that my role through it is to live it well and live it with God and live it with hope. My role is to know that even when it isn’t easy, there’s no shame in it being hard.

It’s so easy to compare our stories to other peoples’, both those who have it worse and those who have it better. But their story isn’t ours. Today, for that matter, is neither yesterday nor tomorrow. We only have our own stories, and we only have now. So let’s live them in the way God gives them to us. Knowing that tomorrow the page will turn, and even though we may not be able to anticipate how or when or where…God is still leading us toward that happy ending of each ordeal. All we have to do is walk it out.

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Why?

Why?

Why?

It’s one of the most fundamental questions. And any parent knows that on the lips of a small child, it’s a sign of curiosity, of a desire to soak in and understand the world. I know when my kids entered the “why” phase, it was by turns delightful and frustrating. I loved fostering their understanding and curiosity…but I didn’t always know the why, and many times, I didn’t care about the why.

Yet every time life throws us a curve ball or something happens that we don’t want, that age-old question usually pops into our minds, just like a toddler who wants to know. Why?

I said a few weeks ago in one of my cancer updates that I was choosing not to ask why–and here’s why. (ha…ha…ha…)

Why can be a wonderful question brimming with curiosity…when we ask it in the right way. When we ask it from that place of wanting-to-understand from a sense of wonder. But that isn’t how most of us use the question in those times. When I ask, “Why did my son get Type 1 Diabetes,” am I really asking about the triggers of an autoimmune disease and its genetics…or am I asking, “God, why did you let this happen?”

The first is a question that has some degree of answer–we learned that both parents have to carry the gene, and that any change to the body, be it a cold or puberty, can trigger that gene to activate. The second…the second isn’t really a question, is it? It’s an accusation.

And I think many times when we ask why as adults, that’s how we mean it.

Why did I get cancer?
Why did she die?
Why did that storm take the house?
Why did he get dementia?

But even accusations can be useful…if we actually want an answer. And if we’re willing to accept that the answer may be “Why not?”

My amazing virtual assistant, Rachel, tells that story of when her son was born without an immune system. She wanted him to be miraculously healed. She cried out, “Why, God? Why us?” And she heard God say, “Why not? Why not you? Why can I not use you to reach others through this? Why can I not choose to protect him every day instead of healing him once now?”

She will tell you that that moment marked a change–because she listened. She accepted that answer. She began to look at it in a different way. And God did protect her little boy day by day for years.

We can ask why. We can ask with a heart of wonder, ready to receive an answer that isn’t as cut and dry as what a toddler demands. We can ask knowing that sometimes we won’t get any answer at all, or not one we want. We can ask hoping to learn something about the world and how it all works.

We can…but too often we don’t. Because we’re angry and hurt and feel betrayed. Because we don’t want to know, we just want things to be different. We ask with closed hearts and closed minds and closed opinions. It’s natural. It’s an understandable, emotional response. We may just have to work our way through that.

But my hope and prayer for us all is that we can shift our perspective–first to ask that question with an open heart and an open mind…but then to ask another question instead.

Ask how.

How will God use this?
How will it shape me?
How will I respond?
How will I shine His light through this?
How will this bring Him glory?
How will I draw closer to Him and to others through this?
How will He surprise me?
How will He meet me on this journey?
How can I grow?

We can seek out the why, and sometimes we even find the answer. But it’s not usually something that we can do anything about. The how, on the other hand…the how is quite often something we can choose–or something we can stay always aware of, making ourselves clay in the Potter’s hands. The how can keep our minds focused on the Lord and His ways and our own hearts.

Questions are good. Questions can expand our minds and enlighten our hearts…when we use them to seek wisdom and understanding, from a place of wonder. But questions can be weapons and shields, when we lob them like accusations and then stop our ears because we don’t actually want to hear the answers.

Questions can lead us to self-awareness and God-awareness…or they can close us off and make us hard.

Which questions are you dwelling on today?

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Peace: Keeping or Making?

Peace: Keeping or Making?

Jesus talks a lot about peace. He talks about it like something physical, something to be bestowed, something that you can will to rest upon a place. He talks about it like a gift straight from heaven.

The biblical word used for peace encompasses more than just “without strife.” It has a sense of wholeness, of “all is right.”

So in Matthew 5:9 when He tells us “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God”…what does He really mean? Or rather, what does it mean to be a peacemaker?

I think more often, we’re familiar with peacekeepers. They’re the people who will offer compromises to keep from rocking the boat. And oh, friends, am I guilty of this. I don’t like conflict. I don’t generally think of myself as a “people pleaser,” but I am definitely a peacekeeper. I noticed this about myself as a preteen, when I would say anything to be agreeable. I’d claim to like things I didn’t, just because the person asking the question liked it.

I still remember walking back to the school from the track one day, hearing myself do something like that. I don’t remember the question–but I remember this hot ball of frustration in my chest. Why did I say that? I thought. I do NOT like that. Why can’t I just say so?

It was because I didn’t want to disagree. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I didn’t want to be the odd girl out. And so…I lied.

That’s a stark way to look at it–but accurate, at least for me. I’d say that most every lie I have ever told was for that same purpose: to keep the peace. To keep from rocking the boat. To keep from upsetting someone.

But I’m sure I’m not the only one who sees the problem there. Not just with lying, but with the fact that lying for the sake of peace means that peace is then counterfeit.

Now, let’s take a pause for a moment. Being truthful does not mean being rude, nasty, insulting, or otherwise negative. When someone asks if you like their new haircut and you don’t, you don’t have to be insulting. You can find something good about it, or even say that another style is still you’re favorite, but [insert something positive]. Because, let’s face it, your opinion is not FACT. Remember those exercises in grade school? The fact that I don’t like something doesn’t mean it isn’t good or likable. It’s just preference. And if my preference doesn’t align with yours, that’s no reason to hurt anyone’s feelings. I have a real problem with people who are so proud of “always saying what they’re thinking.” Having no filter is no more honest than phrasing your words kindly. Trust me. I had a big argument with someone once, and something they said stuck with me for years. When we finally talked about it, I was told, “But I didn’t mean that! If you’ve let that come between us, that’s Satan at work.”

Maybe…but maybe it was Satan who planted the words to begin with. Believing them was not my fault. They were said by someone who takes pride in being “blunt and honest,” so why wouldn’t I believe them?

We shouldn’t lie to keep the peace–but we should still treasure that peace enough to take it into account before we speak hurtful words.

And if we treasure peace, we don’t just keep it. We don’t just admire it. We don’t just try to preserve it. We don’t just compromise in order to maintain it.

The peace of Christ is something different, and we’re called to do something more. We’re called to make it.

We’re called to CREATE that soul-deep, “all is well” peace. We’re called to create it with love, with faith, with sacrifice, and with hope. Not with lies, compromises, insults, and division.

The peace of Christ is when you would rather die than deny Him–and rather be killed than kill.
The peace of Christ is when you help those who hurt you.
The peace of Christ is when you love the unlovable.
The peace of Christ is when you welcome the outcast, not cast out the one who has offended you.
The peace of Christ is when you greet an insult with a compliment.
The peace of Christ is when you seek to understand rather than to be understood.
The peace of Christ is when you answer a demand with a gift.

And do you know what happens when we do that? Jesus tells us, right there in the Sermon on the Mount.

We are called sons of God.
Heirs of the Kingdom of God.
Brothers and sisters of Christ.
We are given authority in Heaven and on Earth.
We are made like Him.

Peace, my friends, is something not just to seek, not just to preserve, but to make. It’s an active practice. And it doesn’t rely on pleasing people–it relies 100% on pleasing God by our interactions with them. On remembering that He loves them every bit as much as He loves us. And on treating them like they, too, are a son or daughter of God.

That ought to change everything.

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Peace: Keeping or Making?

Reaching Perfection

I like to finish things. It’s why I enjoy doing book covers–completed in a matter of hours–even while I’m writing a novel–which takes weeks or months. It’s why I like knitting scarves rather than sweaters or blankets. It’s why on days when I spend the whole day on an extravagant dessert for a party, I’ll then make a very quick and simple dinner.

I don’t shy away from long projects. But I always pair them with short ones. Because I need that hit of dopamine that comes with checking something off my list at the end of each day. I need to feel like I’ve not just accomplished but completed something.

I’ve thought a lot about the value of work from a spiritual perspective, but I’d never really paused to ponder the spiritual value of completion until my husband read this quote to me from a book on Revelation called The Lamb’s Supper, by Scott Hahn*. (Hilariously, I’d already read the book myself and was the one to recommend it to him, LOL, but this totally didn’t jump out at me when I read it.)

“Meanwhile, our enemy, the Beast, consecrates nothing. He works tirelessly, sometimes intimidating us by his industry; but his labors are sterile. He is 666, the creature stalled in the sixth day, perpetually in travail, yet never reaching the seventh day of sabbath rest and worship.”

That totally resonated with me this time around, probably because David and I have talked a lot in recent months, as he’s chipping away at a big project, about how frustrating and unfulfilling it can be to work and work and work and never finish. To strive without achieving the goal. To put in the effort and even the pain without reaping the reward. It can feel like labor with no baby at the end. Medical treatment that makes you sick but doesn’t actually cure the disease. I can handle chemo side effects, for instance, when I know they’re working because I can feel that tumor shrinking (praise God!). But if it wasn’t? If I was sick and it made it worse? I can imagine how that would make me feel, and it wouldn’t be good.

But I’d never paused to think about why. To view it from the eternal. But let’s look at it for a moment through that lens Hahn gives here.

God worked–and in so doing, He created a world of good things. He paused each day to consider what He’d done and found it good…but He didn’t stop. He didn’t actual stop until it was finished, and what did He do then? He rested. He reached completion and then He enjoyed the rest. He sat back (metaphorically speaking) and enjoyed what He’d done.

This is why the Ancient Jews viewed the number 7 as synonymous with perfection. Because perfection doesn’t just mean “without flaw” as we think of it today. Perfection, in ancient languages, reflects completeness.

And this carried over into the understanding of Christ and faith in Him as well.

Over Easter, I remember being struck by one of the readings. Specifically, there was a line about how, through His suffering, Christ was made perfect. I was ready to argue–because Christ was already perfect, right? He was without sin! Then I realized that this was from Hebrews 5:8-9. So, yeah, I can’t argue, LOL. Instead, I have to understand. And in context, the writer of Hebrews had already acknowledged that Christ was without sin. Always without sin…but made perfect through the suffering of the cross.

Do you see the subtle difference there? A lamb selected for Passover is always without flaw, must be without flaw. But being pure and blameless does not work salvation. Dying, being slain, being offered up is what does that. Christ being without sin was amazing–but only amazing. His perfection would not have saved us had He not offered himself up on the cross. That obedience, that work, that suffering as a sinless man is what resulted in perfection–completeness–wholeness.

He worked, and through that work, achieved something great. He worked, He completed, and that was when He gained perfection in the ancient sense–He had completed His purpose, His work, His entire point of being born as a human.

He rested on that sabbath day–which was both an ordinary sabbath and High Holy Day that year, a perfect culmination of rest. And then we know what happened. He did something else. He rose. He began something new. Something no Passover lamb could ever do. He instituted a new creation in that moment, one we partake of, one that undergirds our entire faith.

The most ancient Christian document we have is the Didache, which literally means “The Teaching.” More specifically, it’s “The Teaching of the Twelve Apostles.” Before the Gospels were even written down, before Paul had written all of his letters and they had been compiled, the disciples had written down a few guidelines. It was basically a pamphlet, a handbook for how to be a Christian. This little document was very widespread and distributed, and when you read it, you see that it’s like a skeleton that the Gospels and Epistles fleshed out in more detail.

Well, in this document there’s a term used for the day when believers gather together. Some translations yield it as “the Lord’s Day,” others just go ahead and say “the first day of the week.” But the Greek is something interesting. It actually says “the sabbath’s sabbath.” Now, when we try to reason out what that means, we can see why people go with the literal translation–if the sabbath is the last day of the week, the end, what follows after those first six days, then its sabbath is the next day. But it’s so much more than that in meaning. It’s the day of completeness, not just of creation but of salvation. God rested on the sabbath, thereby finishing creation. Jesus rose on the first day, thereby finishing salvation.

It’s that completeness, that perfection that truly sets a thing. And that is why the disciples instituted worship on the day Christ rose. But notice how it still pays honor to the original creation, which was just a foretaste, a foreshadowing. Much like Christ’s offering completes and fulfills and perfects the original Passover, so does His resurrection complete and fulfill and perfect creation itself.

Completing things is important. It’s part of how we partake of that divine creation both God the Father and God the Son did. And while some of us are perfectionists and want everything to be without flaw, I think this is a critical lesson–there’s no such thing as perfect-but-unfinished. Perfection requires completeness without blemish.

So strive to do well, yes…but also strive to finish. Because otherwise, we are trapped in that same striving of the Enemy, who works and works and works but never reaches that point of rest–never reaches fullness, completion. Perfection.

That is not what we’re called to, friends. We are called to rest with Him, knowing our work is truly complete…and therefore perfect, through His sacrifice.

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