Last Day of Radiation!

Last Day of Radiation!

Today is January 16. Do you know what that means? It means it’s my last day of radiation therapy for breast cancer! I had 15 sessions beginning December 26, every week day other than New Year’s Day (and no weekends, of course).

It went well, overall. Though getting up at 4:30 every morning and driving the 90 minutes to the hospital through some high elevations with horrible winter weather got old fast, the treatments themselves were easy. I experienced a wee bit of pinkness on my skin and a slightly-itchy rash, but that was pretty much it for side effects. Not too bad!

The weather was definitely the biggest obstacle. We had to get a hotel several times so that I wouldn’t miss treatment, and I used the time to finish up the novella I was writing and get caught up on other work that the commute interrupted. This January has definitely been WINTRY around here! We’ve been having super-cold (for us) temperatures, with the lows often in the single digits and only one day above freezing in weeks, which means the snow we got nearly two weeks ago is still lingering…and though the forecast kept insisting there was 0% chance of precipitation even in the high elevations last week, we in fact drove through white-outs and horrible roads that had me joking about hiring a dog sled team. (Image below is what was supposed to be a 3-lane highway…)

Instead, we just got another hotel room for the last few days, and I have zero regrets! It snowed again yesterday despite not calling for it, and I’m very glad we weren’t driving through it in the dark on those sketchy mountain roads.

This marks the end of the BIG treatments. I still have 6 immonutherapy injections to go (these are every three weeks), but they’re no big deal–it takes 5 minutes and I have zero side effects from them. Final reconstruction surgery is also in my future–when that happens depends entirely upon how quickly my skin recovers from radiation.

But the completion of radiation therapy brings me one MAJOR step closer to being DONE with cancer treatment! And that is a cause for celebration!

Thank you all for the prayers that have been offered to our Lord on my behalf!

The Church Hop

The Church Hop

I grew up in the United Methodist Church. I attended the same church every Sunday, and though once in a while we’d have joint activities with other area UMC churches, they were rare. And never were we encouraged to go to another church. When we went on vacation, I remember exactly one time that we attended a church in the area we were visiting, and I didn’t like it. At all. It wasn’t another UMC (I don’t honestly remember what denomination that church was…it may have even been non-denominational), and it felt weird to me. They didn’t sing the same songs, it didn’t feel the same, people didn’t act the same…and I wasn’t sorry that we didn’t go back to that church on our next vacation to the same place.

I liked my church. The one that was familiar. Where I knew the people and the order of service and the songs. It felt comfortable. It felt like home. And when I wasn’t home? Well, I’d just wait until I was again to return to church.

In college that got…tricky. We didn’t come home every weekend, but the churches we found around our school didn’t feel “right” either. We did eventually find a college-church-home, and we’re still friends with the young pastor and his wife from that church. But while I eventually felt like we belonged okay, we certainly never became members or anything as formal as that. And we still had no real compunction about missing when we were out of town or on vacation.

So when we joined the Catholic church and realized that there is an obligation to attend church on either Saturday evening or Sunday and that travel is no excuse to skip, I had a moment of panic. What about when I was on a writing retreat? Or we were on vacation? Did we seriously have to find another church to attend? Wouldn’t it be weird? Wouldn’t that mean those awkward feelings of “not my home” that I experienced as a kid? And having grown up with the reality of  churches being very territorial and possessive of their members, this just felt bizarre. “Wait a minute,” I couldn’t help but think. “You’re telling me that you want me to go to other churches?” Even in my three-church-parish, they encourage you to go to the other churches, not just your “own.”

Yeah, this took some adjustment to my thoughts.

And a week after we officially joined and this “obligation” became mandatory, I was traveling for a writers retreat. For the first time, I had to find a church that wasn’t “my own.” I had to go to a place I’d never been, on my own, and sit with strangers. And you know what I discovered?

This was a blessing I’d never fathomed.

As I drove to that unfamiliar church, I pondered why this was an obligation…and I realized something that has stayed with me ever since. The mass isn’t just a church service. Its focus is 100% around communion–a meal. God the Father is inviting all His children to gather together and partake of this most important meal, the one that unifies us to Christ, through Christ, and therefore to the Father, the Spirit, and the entire Church. It’s like a Sunday dinner with family, one that has been going on unbroken for millennia.

Why would I want to miss that?

And as I sat through that first service away from my home parish, and as I’ve done it time and again since, you know what I discovered? There was no awkwardness. No feeling of “not my home.” Because each and every Roman Catholic church in the world is reading the same readings. We’re singing the same words. We’re focused on the same thing–Christ giving Himself for us. The melodies are often different, yes, but once you know the liturgy, you know what to do in any church. You know when to stand together to pray. You know when to kneel before the King of kings. You know when to lift your hands in the Lord’s Prayer. You know when to wish peace for those around you. You know when to turn to extend that peace to those in the neighboring pews. You know when to go forward with your palms outstretched for that greatest Gift. You know when to return to your seat to pray your own prayer of thanksgiving.

Now, visiting other churches is one of my favorite things. I love seeing the buildings. I love seeing those strangers who are my brothers and sisters in Christ. I love experiencing the small differences as well as walking through the familiar steps. I love seeing the individual within the uniform. I love seeing pastors from different orders leading their congregations in familiar Scripture. I love knowing that no matter where I go, I’m home. Because home isn’t one particular church building or even one particular body of believers. Home is The Church. It’s not a building or a place anymore. It’s something bigger. Something grander. Something I can find absolutely anywhere.

In December, while we were traveling for vacation, we visited San Pedro’s in Marathon, Florida, where we discovered a prayer garden that absolutely took my breath away. On the way home, we took our Sunday in Savannah, Georgia, and attended mass at the basilica, a gorgeous cathedral that not only made me sit back in awe of the beauty–reminding me of the even greater beauty that comes in heaven–but making me want to visit again. Their amazing choir made me wonder how much more the choir of angels would have been when Christ was born. The soaring, star-studded ceiling made me think about our place in the vast universe of God’s creation. And the faces that smiled and welcomed us reminded me that these strangers are brothers and sisters.

And much like the best Sunday dinners with family, it never feels like a have-to. It feels like a get-to. I get to visit churches everywhere I go. I get to worship with others who love God and Jesus just as I do. I get to experience both similarities and differences. I get to take time out of my busy days and weeks and just dwell with the family of God for an hour.

I love that. And I laugh at myself. Because one of the things I hated when I was younger, that I avoided at all costs–being at an unfamiliar church–is now one of the things I most look forward to. Because now the focus isn’t on the people I don’t know or the pastor whose personality defines the church or what “sermon series” might be in progress; now it isn’t about the tempo of the worship music or whether or not you clap your hands. Now, the focus isn’t on me at all. It isn’t on the people. It isn’t on the worship team or the one behind the pulpit. Now, we’re all just participants in the REAL purpose.

Jesus. He is the star of every show. He is the reason for every mass. He is the focus of every service. The emphasis isn’t on the sermon but on the Sacrifice. And that will be the same wherever I go. The Scripture and homily are just the overture–the real point is what comes next. Just as in history, all Scripture, all events led to this one amazing thing: Jesus coming and giving Himself up for us. Jesus paying the debt. Jesus shedding His blood for us. Jesus becoming the Bread of Life and inviting us to partake of it.

Jesus invites us to be part of that meal every week. Because we need it. We need His sustenance. We need His grace. We need Him to become more and more part of us. He invites us every week because He knows that communing with Him and His church is the most important thing we’ll do.

I love the church I attend most often. But you know what? I love even more knowing that it’s not that church to which I belong–it’s The Church that I call home. And I can find that home absolutely anywhere in the world.

2025 Word of the Year – Choose (and Chosen)

2025 Word of the Year – Choose (and Chosen)

Are you looking for a post about how to choose a Word of the Year? If so, then you’ll want to read this post: How to Choose an Intentional Word of the Year.

This post is about my Word of the Year for 2025, which is CHOOSE. If you’re interested in why I chose choose (ha ha), keep reading! 😉

My 2025 Word of the Year Contenders

As I was on vacation in the Florida Keys the week before Christmas, I pulled out a notebook and started planning for 2025. I wrote out my goals for the year in all my major categories–Writing, Classes, WhiteFire, Personal, and Community. I have a page for my goals and desires for each of these, but I’d already reserved a page before them with some options for my 2025 Word of the Year. I always try to pick something that will apply to ALL parts of my life, something that will govern my year. As I sat on a porch overlooking the gorgeous turquoise waters one morning, this is what I wrote down:

  • Restore
  • Delight
  • Dawn
  • Welcome
  • Dwell
  • Ponder
  • Meditate
  • Faithful
  • Stretch
  • Rest
  • Chosen/Choose

I had reasons for adding each of these to my list. After last year’s cancer battle, I crave to restore my health. I want to focus on the things that bring me delight, and on finding that delight even in challenging circumstances. I want to look for the dawn to follow this dark time, and I want to welcome both people and things that God puts in front of me this year. I want to dwell on all His blessings and ponder and meditate on His goodness. I want to be faithful to His calling on my life, and I want to stretch myself toward new heights and breadths and widths. After a hard year, I have so many goals on my list that I will also need to prioritize rest in order to avoid burnout or exhaustion.

I added all of those to my list in pretty quick succession, but no one word jumped out at me above the others. As I considered them, though, I realized that there was a concept that undergirded them all. A concept I had already been exploring in 2024. A concept that I wanted to fully embrace in 2025.

My Word of the Year Decision for 2025

The Lord has chosen me, just as He has chosen you. That is the most important thing. I choose to follow the Lord every day, and I get to choose many things in those days. Not what life will dish out–but so much more.

  • I get to choose my reactions to each situation and circumstance.
  • I get to choose my own priorities.
  • I get to choose to find joy and delight.
  • I get to choose who and what I will welcome into my daily routine.
  • I get to choose on what I’ll ponder and dwell and meditate.
  • I get to choose to remain faithful to God and His calling, to my friends and family, to my own dreams.
  • I get to choose where and how I’ll stretch toward bigger dreams, more challenges, and distant goals.
  • I get to choose when to rest and how to do it.

Fighting cancer last year was something I certainly didn’t ask for, didn’t choose, didn’t want. But over and over again, I realized that in those circumstances that were thrust upon me, there is still so much choice. I chose how to react. I chose to smile through it. I chose to chase after God and look for His hand in each day. I chose a good attitude. I chose to let Him use me. I chose joy. I chose to make my decisions on treatment and surgery based on what gives me the best chances of never going through cancer again (rather than what is easiest in the short-term). I chose to bear His light instead of letting the darkness overwhelm me.

I wrote several posts last year about these choices, and now, looking back on the year, those are the things that still resonate most with me–the things I want to deliberately carry through.

Because there are so many things in life we don’t choose–but even in them, we have so many choices.

We all know that our best-laid plans tend to go awry, and that only the Lord knows what our future path will truly look like. But even in that perpetual uncertainty, there are innumerable choices we make every day, things we often don’t think of as choices. Will you jump out of bed in the morning or roll over and sleep longer? Will you start your day with praise or complaints? Will you make healthy or unhealthy decisions in what you eat? Will you exercise today? Will you use your time wisely? Will you get lost in social media? Will you prioritize your big goals? Will you answer that email? Will you reach out to that friend you haven’t heard from lately? Will you obey that nudge about something that seems silly? Will you put your work aside at the set time or try to push through another task, even if it cuts into rest time? Will you say “yes” or “no” to those responsibilities? Will you prioritize this or that?

We all make so many decisions every day, but all too often, we forget that they are indeed things WE GET TO DECIDE. We forget that we are the ones who said yes to this commitment that is taking up so much of our time, or that we chose to prioritize this responsibility over that far-fetched dream.

In many of my past Word of the Year choices, I chose words that would help me make those decisions–words like Intentional, (Re)Discover, Linger, Devotion, and Promise. This year, I want to focus on the choices themselves, and on an awareness that I’m the one who decides. I can’t blame anyone or anything else when I don’t have time to write if, in fact, I’m just not using the time I have wisely. I can’t resent the responbilities when I’m the one who chose to say yes to them. And what’s more, I can CHOOSE my own attitude when life doesn’t go my way.

It matters, friends. It matters SO MUCH.

Every single doctor I’ve seen in the last year (and boy oh boy, there have been a lot!) commented on my good attitude and what a difference it makes. I give God all the credit for that–He held me so close I couldn’t honestly even consider feeling abandoned or dejected or afraid. But so many people choose the focus on the bad instead of the good. And I’ve certainly done that many times in life too. I want to make sure that in 2025, as I finish up my cancer treatments and most likely will have my final reconstruction surgery, I’m still choosing to make the best of things instead of falling into focusing on the bad. I want to make sure I’m choosing to use my time and energy wisely, that I’m focusing on the people and goals and dreams that will honor God and keep me on the path I want to be on.

Granted, I have more goals than I will likely have time and energy to accomplish, LOL. I will have to choose which ones to give priority. But being AWARE of that choice, realizing that I have to choose how to spend every minute, will help keep me on track.

There will always be things beyond our control–I know that better now than ever. But I also know that my choices still matter, even in those times.

I will choose joy. I will choose faith. I will choose relationships. I will choose love. I will choose dreams that honor God. I will choose helping others. I will choose the things that last.

Are you picking a Word of the Year for 2025?
I’d love to hear yours and why you chose it!

The Church Hop

How to Choose an Intentional Word of the Year (Repost and Updated)

For well over a decade, I’ve been doing the “word of the year” thing. In 2021, my word was “Intentional,” and a funny thing happened…I was getting a lot of hits on that post. But not (sadly) because people were so interested in my word. No…people were interested in CHOOSING an intentional word for the year.

For good reason! Choosing an intentional word of the year is not only fun but inspiring and aspirational. So a few years ago, I decided it may be helpful to write a bit about the practice, not just about my word in particular. I created this post about How to Choose an Intentional Word of the Year, and just as expected, it quickly became one of my most-read posts EVER. So I’ve been reposting it each year, with some updates and small tweaks, with the hope of helping YOU choose a word for the year to come that will help guide you through each turn of the calendar’s pages.

So What Is an Intentional Word of the Year?

Everyone knows about the common practice of making New Years Resolutions. I’ve done those many years, because there’s something about writing out my goals and decisions that makes me want to stick to them more than a vague “Maybe I’ll…” mental goal. One of my favorite things to do in the last part of December is to write out what I hope to accomplish and focus on in the year to come, to set goals for each quarter as well as the year as a whole.

But resolutions aren’t for everyone, and they’re not for every year. Still, as the calendar turns over, many of us want to recognize that this new year is something NEW. We want to set down in writing something to guide us through the twelve months to come. So if we’re not doing resolutions…what do we do?

An alternative to New Years Resolutions is a Word of the Year. It can also just be an addition to New Years Resolutions, if you want both a set of goals and something to govern them.

In general, an intentional Word of the Year is when you choose a word that is meant to be your inspiration, aspiration, hope, goal, or motivation that will underscore EVERYTHING for you in the year to come. Maybe it’s meant to remind you of your faith or God’s promises. Maybe it’s meant to help you focus. Maybe it’s meant to reassure you throughout the year or inspire you to something greater.

Whatever your particular need or purpose, choosing a Word can help you make decisions, keep your eyes on the proverbial prize, and motivate you to keep going through challenging times.

How to Choose an Intentional Word of the Year?

But once you’ve decided to choose a word of the year, that leaves an important question: HOW?

When I first started out, I had in my head that this word had to be something from God, not something from my own mind. I would start praying about it a week or more in advance, and wait for a word to just hit me.

Sometimes it did—in a song, in my Bible reading, in my prayer, in my daily conversations. It might come to me while driving or in the shower or in church. One even came to me as I was shoveling food into my baby’s mouth (that baby is now 16, so that tells you how long ago that one was!)

But sometimes…it didn’t come. God being silent? My heart not listening? I have no idea. But I did notice that the years I had a Word to guide me were years when I made better choices, when I clung more tightly to His promises, when I kept my focus more on His Kingdom and less on my own little (ahem) empire.

I wanted to have a word. I wanted to have a word every year. And finally I realized that I didn’t have to wait for one to “come to me.”

I could choose a word.

Okay, so I didn’t realize this very basic thing from my own brilliance, actually. My best friend/critique partner, Stephanie Morrill always chooses a word deliberately. I eventually decided she had the right idea, and instead of waiting for a bolt from the blue, I started being deliberate about my choice.

There are, of course, still many options for how to pick.

Make a List

The first and most obvious way is to simply start making a list. Focus on where you feel you need to work or focus in the year to come, and then jot down different words that fall into that space. For instance, the year I chose “intentional” for my word, I’d started with a list of things I knew needed my attention like: rest, organization, time management, focus on prayer, time with my family.

Once I had a list of things that I wanted to pay attention to, I looked for the through-line and words that could capture that. “Intentional” was a fairly obvious choice for me that time. It was the one word that would govern all those things—I had to be intentional about everything from taking enough breaks to making smart use of my space.

Chances are good that your list from year to year will have a lot of the same themes, but hopefully you’ll be ever growing, so some items will fall off and new ones will come. You’ll also be exiting and entering new seasons of life, and as you do, you’ll find that your list needs to reflect those changes. Maybe you’ll be balancing a new baby or kids going to school or kids leaving the house; maybe it’ll be sorting through belongings before a big downsize or choosing a new career or finally working on that dream project you’ve been thinking about for years.

Whatever season you’re in, embrace that and make your list—and hence your word choice—reflect it.

Do an Internet Search

Still coming up blank or don’t feel like making a list? You’re in luck! Plenty of people have already done it for you, and you can always do an internet search for lists of good “word of the year” choices and pick one that resonates.

You can search for “word of the year generator” yourself and see if you find a site that aligns with your goals and worldview. Here are a few that turned up in my search.

Jen Fulwiler’s Word of the Year Generator

Mama Smiles Joyful Parenting Word of the Year Generator

Dayspring Word of the Year Quiz

Joyful Abode Word of the Year

Pray and Listen

If you’re a person of faith, you certainly can use the method I used for years, which was to pray for inspiration for a word and then seek it through that prayer, Scripture reading, church attendance, etc.

As different words resonate with you, write them down and sit with them for a while to see if they really capture something you need to focus on in the year to come. Sometimes a word will hit you so strongly that you just KNOW, and other times you may not be certain at first, so it becomes a matter of which ones sticks with you for a few days.

Once I’ve selected a Word…Then What?

So you’ve figured out which word you want to choose for the year to come. Great! But…now what do you do with it?

I’m a writer, so my first instinct is always WRITE IT DOWN. My bias aside, I think it’s a good instinct. Writing it down—whether on a sticky note, in a notebook or journal, on an index card, in a word processing doc, or in a social media or blog post, will help cement it in your mind and heart and also give you a place to go back to on that day nine months from now when you can’t even remember why you went into the kitchen, much less what word you chose last December or January.

So write it down somewhere and put it in a place where you can’t lose it—if you chose a physical place to write it, tape it somewhere. If digital, bookmark it or put a digital pin in it.

If you’re artsy, considering making a pretty image with the word, which you can display. Or see if you can find a fun notebook or journal with the word on the front, to inspire you throughout the year (my best friend chose “Joy” one year, and I was so excited to find a notebook that said “Choose Joy” on the front while I was on vacation. Guess who got an unexpected gift in May after my vacation? LOL). If you enjoy journaling or other writing, write a paragraph or a page or a post about why the word resonated and how you hope it will guide you in the year to come.

The idea here is to keep the word present. It’s easy to just forget what you chose, but that’s clearly not the purpose here. You want to contemplate this word frequently throughout the year, so either put it somewhere that you’ll see it regularly or consider setting yourself reminders to revisit that will pop up on your calendar. If you’ve written about it, schedule a few times throughout the year to reread what you’ve written—at the end or beginning of a quarter or season is a great time.

Some Intentional Word of the Year Suggestions

Don’t feel like visiting a generator or quiz tool and just want to browse a list? That can be a great way to see quickly what resonates with you or doesn’t! Here’s a list of some suggestions for your intentional Word of the Year:

A-C

Abundance
Accept
Achieve
Act
Action
Adapt
Adoration
Adore
Advance
Adventure
Alive
Allow
Amazing
Ambition
Anchor
Appreciate
Articulate
Ascend
Ask
Attention
Authentic
Available
Awake
Awaken
Aware
Awe
Awesome
Balance
Balanced
Be
Beautiful
Beauty
Begin
Behold
Believe
Belong
Belonging
Beloved
Best
Better
Big
Blessed
Bliss
Bloom
Bold
Boss
Bounce
Boundaries
Bounty
Brave
Breathe
Bridge
Bright
Build
Calm
Capture
Care
Caring
Celebrate
Center
Challenge
Change
Charism
Charisma
Chase
Clear
Comfort
Commit
Committed
Communicate
Compation
Complete
Completion
Compose
Compromise
Confidence
Connect
Connection
Conscious
Consistency
Consistent
Contribute
Courage
Create
Creation
Creative
Creativity
Cultivate

D-G

Dare
Daring
Daughter
Dauntless
Declutter
Decrease
Dedicate
Dedication
Deliberate
Deliberation
Delight
Determination
Determine
Determined
Devote
Devotion
Diligence
Direction
Disciple
Discipleship
Discipline
Dream
Ease
Educate
Education
Elevate
Elevation
Embody
Embrace
Emerge
Encourage
Energy
Enjoy
Enlighten
Enough
Enthusiasm
Environment
Escalate
Examine
Excite
Excitement
Expand
Expansion
Experience
Exploration
Explore
Faith
Faithful
Family
Fast
Favorite
Fearless
Finish
Fitness
Flourish
Flow
Fly
Focus
Forgive
Forgiveness
Forward
Foster
Foundation
Free
Freedom
Friend
Fulfil
Fulfilling
Fun
Future
Generosity
Generous
Gentle
Gently
Give
Glorious
Glow
Go
Goals
Grace
Gracious
Gratitude
Grounded
Grow
Growth

H-N

Habit
Happy
Harmony
Heal
Health
Heart
Here
Higher
Home
Honest
Honesty
Hope
Humble
Humility
Hustle
Imagination
Imagine
Immerse
Improve
Improvement
Increase
Indulge
Inspiration
Inspire
Integrity
Intent
Intention
Intentional
Intimacy
Intimate
Intuition
Journey
Joy
Jump
Kind
Kindness
Laugh
Laughter
Lead
Learn
Less
Life
Light
Linger
Listen
Live
Love
Magic
Magical
Manifest
Meditate
Memories
Mindful
Mindfulness
Moment
More
Mother
Move
Nature
New
No
Now
Nurture

O-R

Observe
Open
Organize
Overcome
Pardon
Partner
Passion
Patience
Pause
Peace
Permission
Persevere
Persist
Perspective
Play
Positivity
Possibilities
Possibility
Possible
Power
Powerful
Practice
Praise
Pray
Presence
Present
Prime
Probable
Progress
Progression
Prosper
Purpose
Question
Quiet
Re-brand
Receive
Reclaim
Reflect
Relax
Release
Renew
Renewal
Reset
Resolve
Respect
Rest
Retreat
Revive
Rise
Rise
Romance

S-U

Satisfaction
Savvy
Seek
Self
Self-care
Self-love
Serene
Serenity
Share
Shift
Shine
Siblings
Simple
Simplify
Sister
Sisterhood
Slow
Small
Smile
Son
Soul
Soulful
Spark
Sparkle
Speak
Spirit
Still
Strength
Strengthen
Stretch
Strive
Success
Support
Surrender
Surroundings
Survive
Teach
Think
This
Thoughtfulness
Thrive
Today
Touch
Tranquil
Tranquility
Transform
Transformation
Travel
Treasure
Trust
Truth
Try
Undaunted
Understand
Unique
Unlimited
Unstoppable

V-Z

Value
Vision
Visionary
Vulnerability
Vulnerable
Wake
Wander
Wellness
Whole
Wholehearted
Why
Wild
Win
Winning
Wisdom
Wise
Wish
Wonder
Work
Worship
Worth
Wow
Yes
Zeal
Zealous
Zest

Conclusion

Whatever word you choose and however you choose to employ it, I hope and pray that you find it to be a blessing, a guiding force, and a practice you’ll want to keep up in future years. You’ll probably find that some years, you do better with this than others. Some words will resonate longer and more fully. You may even find that you go back to the same word time and again, year after year. And that’s absolutely fine!

The whole purpose is to choose what works for you and what most helps you keep your focus. Hopefully, this post and list will help you do just that!

Are you going to pick a Word of the Year for 2025? I’d love to know what it is!

2024 Word of the Year Reflection – (Re)Discover

2024 Word of the Year Reflection – (Re)Discover

I love to take the last Thursday of the year to reflect on the Word of the Year I’d chosen and evaluate how I did with it. Of course, 2024 did not go how I planned, LOL. So when I pulled up my post from January 1, where I talked about what I hoped to (RE)Discover, I read it with fond smile at my own ignorance of what was to come…and with gratefulness for how everything turned out.

I ended my Word of the Year post on January 1 with this:

What will 2024 bring? I have no idea. But as I walk through the months to come, I intend to do it with a heart of discovery. With eyes open to things old and new. With a creative mind and eager hands and a fearless heart ready to explore and discover whatever God shows me this year.

Honestly, guys, just reading that brings tears to my eyes now. Because I truly had no idea what was coming. I had no idea that the exhaustion I was battling in December, and which continued into the new year, wasn’t just overwhelm or overload…it was cancer. I had no idea that so many of my goals would fall by the wayside as I underwent chemo and surgery.

And yet…

And yet, I still approached it with a heart of discovery. I still approached it with eyes open to things old and new. I clung to creativity and fearlessness and looked on the whole situation with a question of “What will you teach me through this, Lord? How will You show up?” And that wasn’t me. That was God holding me close. God preparing my heart and mind even before I knew what was coming. That was God pouring out His goodness and keeping me safe in the palm of His hand.

On my list of things I wanted to (RE)Discover were the following:

1. Reading
2. Extended family
3. Creativity
4. Responsibility

So how did I do with them all?

1. Reading

Well, I can claim total victory with this goal! 😉 In 2023, I read 54 books, 29 of which were in audio form. I’d noticed last December that I’d somehow lost the ability to just sit with a book in my hands and read, without feeling like I had to pop up every 15 minutes to DO something. I wanted to remedy that and get back to one of my first loves–just sitting and getting lost in a physical book. I set an ambitious goal of 100 books for 2024 and treated it as a priority. Instead of TV, I read. I read historical fiction and fantasy, mostly, but some contemporaries too, and some non-fiction. When I was tired, I read. When I was waiting for an appointment or getting an infusion, I read.

At one point in November, my husband laughingly observed, “You’re reading another book? Didn’t you just finish one this morning?” and I replied, “Hey, I’m not going to get to 100 by sitting around and not reading!” 😉

I used the StoryGraph app to help me keep track, and it let me know if I was on schedule, behind, or ahead. Mostly I stayed on schedule throughout the year. I got behind by 2 or 3 books during the month of September, when I was using that free time to write instead of read, but I caught back up after surgery, when I literally couldn’t do much else.

As of today, I have read 102 books, and I daresay I’ll add a few more to that number by midnight on December 31. I always read more during Christmas week than most other times, since I take off work.

Did you have a reading goal for the year? How many books did you want to tackle? Did you meet your goal?

2. Extended family

I was keenly aware at the end of last year that I’d drifted apart from much of my extended family, and I wanted to remedy that. In January, my paternal grandmother died (we knew it was coming), and I could reflect on the beautiful, complicated, broken grief that came from a beautiful, complicated, broken life. Then, of course, came the painful lump in my breast. Though my instinct is actually to keep that very private and not talk about it to anyone, I made an early decision to involve my family. My mom drove me to my biopsy. When I got the news that it was cancer, David urged me to stop at my parents’ house on my way home and tell them in person instead of via phone call.

Cancer isn’t the way I wanted to reconnect with my extended family, but as I look back on the year and think about this goal, I can see how God used it to do just that. It was such a blessing to feel my family rally around me. To receive meals that they made for me. To get phone calls asking how I was doing, to have them leave voicemails with a group of them praying for me before surgery. I’m an introvert, which is why family gatherings can be draining for me, but this year I knew that when I made the effort, it really mattered, and that no one begrudged it when I had to duck out early because I was exhausted. My sister and I got together for coffee or lunch quite a few times, and it was always such a joy to just enjoy each other.

And speaking of my sister–just need to brag on her a bit. One of her goals for the year was to run her first marathon, and she did it on November 16 in Savannah, Georgia! She did an amazing job with a time of 4 hours, 36 minutes, 54 seconds, which was faster than she expected. We had an impromptu surprise party for her when she got home (just my family, hers, and our parents and grandmother), and I loved hearing her stories and seeing all her pictures. So proud of you, Jen!!

3. Creativity

Boy, I had quite the list of creative things I wanted to do in 2024!

I want to try new things. I want to master the sprayed edges of books. I want to write more fantasy. I want to write novellas and shorts. I want to try my hand at suspense. I want to find new artistic outlets. I want to learn how to do TikTok videos. I want to find ways to redesign my space (preferably for free, ha ha). I want to play the piano more. I want to learn new things.

I did indeed start doing sprayed edges, and it was fun! I was too tired during chemo to keep it up, but I love the ones I did before that, and I used them to launch my TikTok page…which I also neglected after diagnosis, though I hope to pick it back up in 2025.

I didn’t do the extra writing I had hoped to do, but I feel very satisfied with the writing I did. At the start of the year, the only thing that was on my official calendar was one book for Tyndale, The Collector of Burned Books. But contracts from Guideposts popped up throughout the year, so I ended up with three contracted books due, as well as Awakened (my fantasy), which I finished this year and put on the WhiteCrown production calendar. So that ended up being 4 finished books, plus a novella due to Tyndale in spring of 2025 which I wanted to write during this holiday season, since it’s a Christmas story, about Jolabokaflod, the Icelandic “Christmas Book Flood” all about reading books on Christmas Eve…and eating chocolate. 😉

I didn’t play the piano more, but I did do some other artistic things–I made it a point to design some new bookish products each season to make available on my shop through Printify! I did shirts and flags and mugs…so much fun! And I redesigned my space a little–namely, I reorganized Xoe’s shelves attached to the desk I use when she’s not home and made it suitable for a TikTok backdrop. I really love how it turned out!

4. Responsibility

This one was added to the list because at the end of 2023, I was feeling so exhausted and burned out that even the responsibilities I had chosen and which I loved were beginning to wear on me, and I didn’t like the feeling of resentment I began to have for them. I wanted to really embrace the things God had put in my life and which we can chosen.

I will admit that there were days this summer when I was so tired and felt so sick that I didn’t want to do the things that needed done. I wanted to be able to not. But I didn’t have that luxury, so I kept doing. I rested more than usual, yes, but I kept up with my design schedule, with our production and publication schedule, and with my writing schedule.

And you know what? I am so, so glad I did. Having all that to focus on kept me going, kept me from wallowing, and filled me with joy as I ticked off projects. All that bitterness and resentment that came from exhaustion melted away, and I was once again grateful for the responsibilities God has given us.

Conclusion

2024 was not what I expected, and certainly not what I would have chosen. But you know what? In the ways that matter, 2024 was amazing. It showed me so much about the family of God, the Church. It left me feeling overwhelmed with love instead of exhaustion. It buoyed me emotionally and spiritually when the physical may have left me tired.

Perhaps some of the discoveries I made were things I’d have loved to stay ignorant of–like the chemo and radiation and immunotherapy process. But there have been so many blessings in those discoveries too. I rediscovered my love of reading, my family, and my love for what I do.

Did I do everything I had hoped? Nope. But I don’t at all mind having some of those items left to carry over into 2025. I don’t mind that I’ll have to start over on some of them, like that TikTok profile. I don’t mind that I only wrote what I “had” to write.

Because 2024 was indeed a year of discovering and rediscovering. It was a year of encouragement and blessing amidst the trials. And I leave 2024 with more joy in my heart than I probably would have expected had someone told me ahead of time that it would be a year of cancer. Much of it falls into the “let’s not do this again” category…but I have no regrets. No lack of peace. I can look over 2024 and know it was a year well lived, thanks to the faithfulness of our God and His people.

A Super-Hero Christmas

A Super-Hero Christmas

A year ago, I certainly wouldn’t have dreamed that Christmas 2024 would see me at the Cancer Institute, getting radiation therapy. For that matter, even when I was diagnosed back in April, I fully expected to be done with all treatment by now.

But…no. LOL.

The way the schedule worked out, and thanks to us scheduling a vacation for December 14-21 (since we couldn’t take one over the summer, we had to wait for another big break for our daughter), radiation got pushed back until “after the holidays,” they said. Turns out “after the holidays” means going up on Christmas Eve for a simulation and then starting on December 26th.

I met with my radiation oncologist a few weeks ago and we immediately liked him. He’s the head of the department, which is nice, and has a great sense of humor, which is even better. I jokingly asked him if this would give me super powers, and he didn’t miss a beat. He said, “Well, we can’t rule it out!”

So that’s my new line. I’m totally getting super powers for Christmas. 😉 And if that super power is Remaining Cancer Free, I will be thrilled.

I went up on December 9 to get a scan and make my mold–how they’ll ensure I’m in the exact same place each time. As already mentioned, I’ll have a simulation on Christmas Eve–I keep calling it the Test Run. 😉 But on the Second Day of Christmas, I’ll begin my first day of radiation. I will have 15 sessions total, skipping New Years Day and weekends, and will finish up on January 16.

My appointments are at 7 in the morning, which means early wake-ups for the 90 minute drive, but that’s okay. Xoe will be in until January 5, and I don’t want to miss time with her, so we’re not planning on staying up there or anything. I figure with those early morning appointments, I should be home before my night owl daughter even wakes up! 😉

They said that the most common side effects from this therapy are tiredness (not at the start, but by the end…it’s cumulative) and of course the skin at the sites could burn, so they recommend good lotion. A kind reader already sent me three tubes of medical-grade moisturizer formulated specifically for skin undergoing radiation, so I’m set!

So here we are. Today, I’m lounging on the beach in Marathon, one of the Florida Keys, where I was blessed to find a great deal on a condo through AirBnB. I’m enjoying the sun and the sand and the water and books. Everything for Christmas is set and ready at home. Gifts are bought and wrapped and waiting, the tree is up and decorated, and my mother-in-law is watering it and taking care of the cat. Today, I’m enjoying the trip that we called a celebration of being done with cancer, before we realized I wouldn’t be quite done with the treatments yet. That’s okay. Today, I’m celebrating anyway. We’ll get back home on the 23rd and jump right into Christmas…and that simulation.

And I’m so grateful. So grateful for this time with my family, for this year that took such an unexpected twist but which poured out so many blessings upon me. So grateful for the medical community that knows how to make me well again. So grateful for the Cancer Institute team who has had my back, laughed at my jokes, and rejoiced with me as we beat this thing.

So here we are. Not the circumstances I ever anticipated finding myself in for Christmas of 2024…but ready to enjoy my Super-Hero Christmas and take this last big step toward living cancer free for years to come.

Merry Christmas, everyone!