My Very Very Very First Book

My Very Very Very First Book

Time for something that’s just pure fun.

A month or so ago, my mom was going through a bookshelf and found something odd stuck in one of their books. She pulled it out and laughed…because this wasn’t just random paper. This was my very, very, very first book.

In primary school, each year from second grade on, my teachers assigned us a big project of writing and illustrating our own books. Talk about an assignment MADE for me! I was already writing stories by this time, but I’d never turned one into a real book before. 😉 

So in second grade, I created this (ahem) masterpiece. Written and illustrated by Roseanna Higson (my maiden name, of course). And please note the copyright page, added by my mom, LOL.

I thought it would be fun to show you this glimpse into my writing beginnings!

So here we go. Photos of the actual book, with the text typed out below to be easier to read (with spelling mistakes preserved, LOL, and marked with [sic].)

The Brave Princess

by Roseanna Higson

Illustrated by
Roseanna Higson

Printed 1990
All rights reserved to printer

Once there was a princess that was very nice and happy. Her name was Beauty. She lived alone in a gigantic castle in a far-away land. She was sixteen years old. She was independent

and intelligent. She loved nature and protected it and cared for it.

The princess was special for many resons [sic]. She had magic powers and she was very brave too.

She was energetic and the best friend in the land. She was pretty and had long brown hair. She liked to play with her pet

unicorn and do gymnastics. Everybody loved her very much. She loved her pet unicorn. She had a magic twisted horn that could tell the weather and light up. She could

live forever. Virita was a nice pet that was loving and caring and she could talk. She was pink and she had a horn made of gold. She lived outside the big castle.

One day the princess was

getting ready for her seventeenth birthday party. She was very happy that all of her friends could come. She made a huge delicious chocolete [sic] birthday cake and scrumptios [sic] creamy orange sherbert [sic] ice cream. They would all play “Pin-the-Tail-on-the

Donkey” and open presents. She was almost ready when all the animals started knocking at the door. When she opened it they almost blew right into the castle! The wind was so strong that Beauty almost lost her crown!

She quickly shut the door and Virita

said that a hurricane had come! The unicorn got frightened for a minute and then remembered Beauty’s magic powers. She said if she put the sun and rain together it would make a rainbow and block the wind. That way they would all be safe! The

unicorn warned her not to step outside but she did anyway. Her hair was blowing then she cast the magic spell and the hurricane couldn’t get through the rainbow! So she went in and told the animals that is was safe now. The princess went upstairs and got in bed to rest for her birthday.

When she woke up the next day she got

dressed and made breakfast. All the animals came in to eat. They were having pancakes and eggs. After breakfast she braided her hair and put in a bow. She was happy and cheerful because her land had been saved. She put her favorite red dress on and went downstairs where all the animals were waiting. After that they sang “Happy Birthday!” It was the best

birthday ever because all Beauty wanted was to have friends and be happy.

And there you have it. The very first book written and illustrated by Roseanna. Hope you got a kick out of it much like I do. 😉  

A Holy Week of Suffering

A Holy Week of Suffering

Holy Week has long been the most precious week of my year. Even in high school, this was the week that brought my focus fully onto Christ in a way nothing else ever can. This is the week that inspired my first novel, A Stray Drop of Blood. This is the week when my hubby and I started dating. This is the week, especially the end of it, when we enter into Maundy Thursday and Good Friday, when I pause normal life to focus on the enormity of what my Savior did for me.

The fact that the Triduum (Holy Thursday through Easter) is also the biggest celebration in the liturgical year is one of the things I immediately loved about the Catholic tradition. In the Baptist church we spent fifteen years in, David and I were often left feeling let down by the disinterest in this holy time, when we wanted to do something each day and…no one else did. So we created our own traditions, but they never felt quite enough. Well, I can say in all honesty that the daily services and masses definitely feel enough. They are enough. They are, in my humblest of opinions, the most beautiful services to be found. The washing of the feet on the Thursday…the focus on the cross and fasting on Friday…and the candlelit vigil on Saturday…gah! I LOVE THEM.

This year, though, will be different for me.

This year, my Holy Thursday starts in an infusion chair in the cancer center.

Tears fill my eyes as I type this. Because, friends, this is not how I want to be spending my Holy Week. I want to be focusing on Him, not the churning of my stomach. I want to be thinking about the cross, not my exhaustion. I want to be celebrating His miraculous resurrection, not trying to drag myself out of bed.

As I realized that this, my fifth infusion of Enhurtu, would be on Holy Thursday, I very nearly reached out to my oncology team to say, “Could we postpone this a week, so that I don’t have to be sick over Easter?” Because the last four…they hit me hard. Even after my clear scans (praise God!) meant dialing back the nastiest part of the drug cocktail, I was still fighting exhaustion for five days and nausea for ten. Last cycle, the week following infusion, I didn’t feel much like me. My brain was a bit foggy. I felt subdued. It was hard to joke (my standard response to pretty much anything), hard to be creative. “You feel so far away after an infusion,” my husband said. And I knew what he meant, because I feel it too. Me, my personality, my spark, is so subdued in those days. I hate it–but it’s the reality.

I didn’t make the request, for a variety of reasons. But as I settled that in my mind, it made room for more thoughts. And they are this:

Maybe this is the perfect time to not feel like me–because maybe then I can focus more on HIM. Maybe this is the perfect time to be raw, emotional, and weak–because maybe then I’ll understand a bit better how HE felt. Maybe this is the perfect time to be suffering–because oh, how HE suffered.

Maybe I need to pause and realize that these holy days are not about me making them enough. They’re about HIM making them enough. Enough to fill me. Enough to sustain me.

Enough to save me.

This isn’t the Holy Week I wanted. But I pray it’s the Holy Week I need. I pray that as I sit in that infusion chair, I can reflect His light. I pray that as we experiment with a new med regimen to try to get the nausea under control, just enough me is there to cling to Him. I pray that as I’m no doubt fighting exhaustion, I can put myself in the garden with the disciples who succumbed to it too, and I can hear my Savior’s bid to pray with Him. To be there with Him. To watch with Him, because His time had come. The hour was nigh.

And all creation held its breath.

Whether we feel it or not, these days are so precious. Because we are pausing to remember the most amazing miracle. The Word who spoke the world into being, the Word that came among us, the Word that was silenced will ring out again in victory in a few short days. And all creation will shout with Him.

I pray that, whatever your traditions, our Lord meets you in a special way this coming weekend too. I pray that we, who are always held so tenderly in our Father’s hand, will be moved in new ways as we contemplate the suffering of our Brother, the sorrow of His death, and the joy of His resurrection. I pray we, too, rise anew with Him. On Sunday and every day. 

This weekend, I will likely suffer–just a bit. I’ll probably be tired. I’ll probably feel sick. And I’ll give it to Him, who suffered unto death. Who sweated blood. Who was beaten, lashed, had a crown of thorns pressed cruelly to His brow. Who suffered the most agonizing death ever devised by man, and who did it willingly.

For you. For me.

He stretched His arms wide to the world, by His own choice. 

And He defeated that suffering. Won the victory over death. And promises us all that even though we’ll encounter suffering of our own, there is a purpose. And it is Him.

Agree to Disagree?

Agree to Disagree?

 “Let’s agree to disagree.”

I’m sure you’ve heard the sentiment. You’ve probably even said it. I know I have.

But in recent years, I’ve come to hate that statement. Want to know why?

Because when we use it, it never means, We may not agree, but let’s have a conversation anyway. No. Instead, it shuts down conversation. We’re never going to agree, so let’s just talk about something else.

Sometimes, that can be a healthy response, if it avoids altercations and anger that could fester. But I think most often, it’s an escape. It’s an easy way out of what might be hard conversations that would challenge us. And I don’t think it accomplishes much. More, I think there are better ways to avoid altercations and anger.

Something I’ve learned anew recently, talking about hard subjects with people who see things differently, is that we are SUPPOSED to see things differently. Because we are different. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: You and I will NOT agree on everything–not even everything important. Know how I know? Because I have yet to encounter anyone with whom I agree 100% about everything. Even my husband. Even my best friend. Even my family. But we love each other anyway. Not despite those differences–because of them. And more, we know that we can talk about those things and gain a perspective from each other that we just don’t have on our own.

And that’s why I’ve come to hate anything that shuts down conversation. That’s why I shake my head, now, at this phrase.

Because when we stop having conversations with people who disagree with us, we stop learning. We stop growing. We stop stretching our minds and considering new perspectives. 

And when we do that? It’s so, so easy to stop loving our neighbors. To stop seeing them as valuable people worthy of respect and dignity.

I’ve seen a lot of social media posts lately where friends have been stating their beliefs and inviting people to unfollow or unsubscribe if they disagree–and I get that. What they’re doing is saying, “This is what I’ll be saying. If you don’t want to hear from me, that’s fine.” Especially on social media, where true conversation is so hard, where shouting matches and outrage often prevail, this can be a sane person’s guide to retaining that sanity. 😉

And yet, I’m here to say something different. I’m here to say, “I’m sharing what I believe. If you disagree, that’s awesome! Let’s talk!!”

Why?

Because that’s how I learn. That’s how my opinions gain nuance and my understanding is refined. It’s how I encounter new ideas and see the world through different eyes. That’s how I deepen my respect for you. That’s what will inform my thoughts as I consider that subject in the future.

I’m not always perfect at it, I can admit that. Especially when I’m in a season of overwhelm, when people share their sources or opinions on something that isn’t in the forefront of my mind or which requires more research than I feel capable of in that moment, my instant reaction is to want to shut down. To say, “I just can’t think about that right now.” And sure, sometimes I just put a pin in it for later.

But something I have been training myself to never do is say, “Thanks, but I disagree. And let’s just leave it at that. Let’s agree to disagree.” Because that says, “Don’t bother me with this anymore.” That says, “I don’t value your opinion or perspective enough to really consider it.”

Sometimes considering that other perspective is hard. Sometime it hurts. Sometimes it clangs around in your head, a dissonance with everything you believe. When that happens? Don’t lean away–lean into it. Ask why it’s hard. Ask why it hurts. Ask whether it’s really a dissonance…or a harmony.

Because unity, my friends, doesn’t mean one note. It doesn’t mean we’re all singing the same melody line. Sometimes, it means we’re singing in harmony. And sometimes, it means we’re singing in counterpoint.

If you’re unfamiliar with what that is, it predates modern harmony, with each voice singing a separate line, a separate melody…and when put together, it’s some of the most breathtakingly beautiful music you’ll ever hear. (I give you Palestrina’s “Sicut Cervus,” which is the Latin version of “As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after Thee.” One of my favorite songs in the entire history of the world–embedded video below, if you don’t want to leave to follow the link to YouTube. Press play while you keep reading, LOL.)

This kind of unity–the kind that admits multiple viewpoints, multiple opinions, that not only allows them but celebrates them–is critical to a vibrant society. It’s critical to a family. To a community. To a church. It doesn’t mean we don’t partake of the same Truth. It doesn’t mean we compromise on our core principles.

It means that we admit that we don’t live in a world of black and white. We live in a world of full-spectrum color that includes some shades our human eyes aren’t even capable of seeing. (I wrote the post linked above about this just a few days before I was diagnosed with cancer in 2024, and I think about it often.) We live in a world created by a God who first set down Laws and then sent His Son to fulfill them and show us how to live them out in love, which so often meant seeing not the letter of that law but the heart behind it.

Though it isn’t easy, I’ve been working toward that celebration. Toward not just being okay with disagreements but getting excited when someone comes with a new viewpoint. Because that means I’ll learn something. That’s means I’ll get to exercise my mind and my heart. That means I’ll have the opportunity to make a new friend as I dig down to where we have common ground and truly seek to understand them.

I’m not going to agree to disagree with you. I’m going to rejoice that you can show me something I haven’t seen before. I’ll share my thoughts, where I am, with openness and vulnerability…and I’ll welcome you doing the same. I won’t set out to change your mind and you won’t set out to change mine…but I’ll set out to change my own heart. To better understand yours.

Will we end up agreeing? About most things, yes. I bet we will. About everything? Never. But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop talking to you about it. It means I’ll learn a little more about the journey you’re on, the path you’re walking, and what God is teaching you along the way. And I’ll trust that this world we see only in part, dimly, as in a mirror, still has a lot to teach me. All to prepare me for the day I see clearly, face-to-face. Someday, we’ll have full understanding of all these things that come between us now.

And until then, I’m not agreeing to disagree. I’m agreeing to learn from the perspective that only YOU can bring.

Other Hard Topics Posts

Is America a Christian Nation?

Is America a Christian Nation?

I don’t think anyone could argue against the assertion that America’s foundational documents are greatly informed by Christian principles…but are we truly a Christian nation?

read more
Why Now?

Why Now?

Should I be worrying about these things while I’m fighting cancer?

read more
A Soft Answer

A Soft Answer

A soft answer really does turn away wrath–and one that seeks to understand rather than be understood can make new friends. I can prove it.

read more
The Romance in My Romantasy Books

The Romance in My Romantasy Books

I love romance novels. It’s most of what I read, whatever else be part of the genre–suspense, historical, contemporary, fantasy, you name it. 

So when people ask me what I write, that’s always my honest answer too. I primarily write romanceIt isn’t the only thing I write (my mysteries for Guideposts aren’t romances), and my books always have something else in them too, sure. But generally speaking, that’s how I’d classify them.

So I always find it funny when people bring my books up in conversations where folks have asked for recommendations for books that are not primarily romance. There’s always a part of me that goes, “What? Y’all, that’s a romance! Follows all the conventions and everything!” And yet at the same time, I definitely appreciate that people who aren’t as romance-crazy as me love my books and recommend them to other people who prefer their romances to be not-central. What that tells me is that the history and suspense are indeed playing an equal role in the plot–which is in fact the definition of those compound-genres like “historical romance” or “romantic suspense.”

Then I launched my first romantasy with Awakened. And…I got a couple questions. So I thought it would be fun to take a day and talk about the romance–the levels, the amount, the type–in the Awakened books, who they’re aimed at, who they’re appropriate for, and why I made the choices I did.

What Is Romantasy?

First, let’s talk about the genre. The name “romantasy” is only a few years old, and you can no doubt tell by reading it what it is. Romance + Fantasy. Before some brilliant person coined this word, authors had two choices when classifying their books: romantic fantasy or fantasy romance.

They may look the same–but they’re not. Romantic fantasy was used for a book that was primarily fantasy but had a romance thread in it. Fantasy romance was used for a book that was primarily romance but with light fantasy elements.

But what about books that were equal parts BOTH? That were firmly fantasy, with grand world-building, high stakes, and epic quests…but also very much about the romance, where it was the relationship between hero and heroine that fueled the plot?

Maybe in years gone by, there weren’t enough of those to need a new name. But in recent years, such books have EXPLODED in popularity. And so, a new name was given. Romantasy. And for lovers of this genre, they know exactly why the word works and why the genre has grown so incredibly popular.

Romantasy books have both a world and a romance that sweep you away. They have heroes that make you swoon and heroines you’d love to be. They’re rather famous for the “fated mate” trope, which is the concept of this love being fated, bigger than emotion or attraction, written in the stars, so to speak. Ordained. Necessary. Usually, this match has world-wide/kingdom-wide impact. They can do together what neither could do apart.

I LOVE THAT. I have always loved that, and I love that there’s a genre that celebrates that kind of love. Because isn’t that what we all long for? Someone who loves us so completely, at a cellular level, down to the soul?

My Romantasies

So when I decided to write a romantasy, I knew I wanted to hit those same notes. I wanted the fated love, I wanted the BIG love, I wanted that strong attraction that those sorts of loves always have in the extremely-popular mainstream romances. But I wanted it to do something else too.

I wanted it to show this big, swoony, fated love in a God-honoring way.

See, the majority of mainstream romantasies are unapologetically steamy. Those big, fated loves come with big, overwhelming attractions that lead the characters into rather predictable situations. They’re about real love, yes–with a lot of lust thrown in.

And here’s the thing…while I think most of them are depicted in extremely unrealistic ways, I also know very well that most of us will experience a tempting attraction at some point in our lives.

It’s real.

And because it’s real, it can be devastating. I know so many Christians who chose not to wait for marriage because that love and its physical side overwhelmed them. Or because societal expectations swayed them from what they’d been taught. Or for whatever other reason. 

Attraction is REAL. Lust is REAL. Temptation is REAL. And today’s society is so welcoming of it that it’s hard to avoid the message that it’s also good and enjoyable and totally fine to indulge in. Even when we know better. Even when we’ve been taught that there’s a proper order, that there’s a right and a wrong way to handle it.

With Awakened, I wanted to show that big, could-be-overwhelming love. That deep attraction. And I also wanted to  show how you could feel it and still honor God.

In that first book in this series, my hero is attracted to the heroine almost immediately, and he falls hard and fast. He also refuses to disrespect her. He refuses to dishonor his God. This hero is meant to show readers that you can feel these strong emotions, the ones God Himself created mankind to experience, and not sin.

And the heroine? Arden had always been overlooked. She never thought of herself as pretty. So to have that attention of a very attractive man would be heady. In mainstream romantasies, she probably would have been swept off her feet. I’ve read many books with such a heroine where the hero’s attention is even termed “worship,” as he shows her very physically how beautiful he finds her and so boosts her ego.

In my version, he shows her in a God-honoring way how attractive he finds her…and she pushes him away in an attempt to protect his heart. Because she truly believes someone else is that fated love for him, and she will sacrifice whatever she must to see them happy.

Why did I choose to write Awakened like this?

In part because I’m writing these books for romantasy readers–readers who are THERE for the big romance, who COME for the big romance.

But also because I wanted to show that “big romance” does not require sin. Big romance does not require falling prey to temptation. Big romance can in fact be God-ordained.

And when embraced with God, when properly ordered–when the two want to respect and honor each other and stay true to faith–God rewards that.

In this series, I also have married couples, even honeymoons. They are “closed door” in that we do not EVER get anything more than kissing in my books, aside from vague phrases like “when they could catch their breath again” or even “they made love” in a list of things they did the night before…because this is right and good in marriage. Married couples should be enjoying each other. There’s nothing wrong with it. No shame in it. So while I will never describe it, I find no problem in mentioning that such things happen.

Why?

Because, again, I want to remind us all that God did NOT create us as merely spiritual beings. He created us as physical beings. He created attraction. He made mankind with a sex drive–and then, as with our every other drive, He instructed us in the good and proper way of using it and also set boundaries for what was not good and proper.

We see so much of that “not.” Both where it’s celebrated and, in Christian circles, where it’s condemned. But what about the celebration of the right way?

I have long been of the mind that by ignoring problems, we don’t fix them. And the world’s view of sex is a problem, friends. It’s undervalued and yet over-indulged. Which means it’s degraded. The unity that should be one of the most rewarding, amazing experiences in a couple’s life is downgraded to a “fun hookup.” And yet if Christian fiction just ignores that people feel that physical attraction, how does that equip them to deal with the emotions and temptations when they strike?

In my historicals, I’m usually dealing with societies that have norms quite different from ours. Their society and expectations were stricter. It was expected that attraction would be constrained. But today? And in fantasy worlds? Very different expectation. And so, while my historical romances may by some be classified as “not that strong a romance,” I wanted my romantasies to be something different.

I want them to appeal to all the people like me who are THERE for the big romance, for the characters who feel that strong physical attraction, for the fated loves…and to remind us all that God still needs to be in the midst. He is there in our hearts as those hearts fill with romantic love. And that, too, is good. He made it, and He meant us to enjoy it…in the right way.

So Who Are My Romantasies For?

First and foremost, I wrote these books for people who love the genre but want books that choose that God-honoring approach to romantic love. I also wrote them in the hopes that people who love mainstream romantasies might find them and get a glimpse of God without even knowing that’s what they were signing up for. I wrote them, too, for readers who love Christian romance and want something new and fresh–because while there are quite a bit of “closed door” or self-proclaimed “clean” romantasies out there, most of them aren’t overtly faith-based, and much of it doesn’t have that same feel that the big romantasy series do.

I will also say that these are NOT intended to be young adult (aimed at teens). None of my books are explicitly aimed at teens. That doesn’t mean that they’re inappropriate for teens, but it is a family-by-family decision. I would have been totally fine handing Awakened or any of my other books to my daughter when she was in high school, but I do NOT tell every parent “They’re fine.” Because my books often talk about hard things, and I don’t know if your kids have been exposed to those yet, or if you’re ready for them to be. If they’re ready to be.

will say that if teens are reading mainstream books–even ones specifically marked as Young Adult–then my books should all be fine for them, this series included. I read enough mainstream YA to tell you that even the “clean” ones talk about real-world things like violence, sex, abuse, etc., more than mine get into such things, and that they certainly don’t all approach it from the biblical perspective, as I will always attempt to do.

So are my romantasies for you? Are they for your teens? I can’t answer that–I can just give you all that information above and let you decide. And when it comes to handing books to your teenagers, I will also say that the great thing about sharing books with them that you’ve also read is that you can talk about it. You can talk about the contrast with other books, about whether you like or don’t like how certain things were handled, you can talk about why I may or may not have made certain decisions. Conversation is good!

Awakened Vs. the Other Books in the Series

Confession: whatever book I’m writing, I spend way more time thinking about the romance than any other part of the plot (Guideposts mysteries being the exception there). This, in my mind, is the heart of the story, and I want to make sure I’m getting those emotions just right. I could not begin to tally the hours I have spent thinking and rethinking the romantic elements in Amazed, book three, which I’m writing now. During the year that I was working on Awakened, those countless hours were spent dreaming of Arden and Seidon and their every flirtatious line, their first kiss, the whole romance arc. The same is true of my historical couples too. Because this is my brain, LOL.

You only see a fragment, because for some reason no one wants to publish a book that’s a million words long. 😉 But hopefully, the fragment you get is satisfying.

So, for all the reasons mentioned above, Awakened had a big romance. There was kissing. There was attraction. It was God-honoring. By modern definitions, it isn’t “spicy,” but there’s some heat. Again, God-honoring. Not sinful. I definitely have readers that deemed it “too much.” And others who said, “FINALLY!” Only you know where you fall that spectrum. 😉 But here’s where the rest of the series falls in relation.

In Aflame, there are four points-of-view and several romances. One main one. Early readers have deemed it “swoon-worthy,” but it is definitely NOT to the same level as Awakened. Honestly, one of my main concerns with this book which I put to my early readers was “Is the romance big enough?” It felt tame and almost after-thought-ish to me, compared to Awakened, so I did quite a bit of editing to make sure that it hit the right notes, even though the plot in this one is much more, er…plotty? Let’s pretend that’s a word, LOL. There’s SO MUCH ACTION in this book, political intrigue, a grassroots rebellion, and Kyrja has to discover faith too. So the romance is gentler, for sure. It’s soft and sweet. 

In the first two novellas in the series, Captivated and Celebrated, each has only one on-page kiss, and the stories are much more focused on getting the characters to the moment of confession-of-love/deciding to be together amidst some suspenseful events. Again, the romances are key but not quite as consuming.

The longer novella (coming soon, as of when I’m writing this) is called Consecrated, and it’s actually a dual love story. Yes, I’m insane and packed TWO romances and four points-of-view into a 56,000-word short-novel. One of the romances is super sweet. The other veers more toward Awakened levels of attraction, though again, always God-honoring. Just kisses that send pulses racing.

Eventually I will also finish the prequel novel that is sitting halfway done on my computer as of when I’m writing this, called ForetoldForetold is the story of the First Sea King, and if you’ve read Awakened, you know he is remembered as being an evil man. There’s more to him than that…but he’s a bit of a Solomon story. And having read your Bible, I’m sure you know that Solomon began as a man of wisdom who followed God…then he fell into idolatry because of the indulgences he granted his many, many, many, many wives and concubines. He brings us the most evocative book in the Bible–Song of Solomon. And also what I might call the saddest–Ecclesiastes, which focuses so very much on all the vain and hopeless things in life.

That’s where the Sea King is when this story opens. He’s a man who was once close to the Triada but who had fallen to his own weaknesses so many times in his long life that he’d given up. Thought himself beyond redemption…and more, thought redemption not worth striving for, since he’d just fail again. Like Solomon, he has a thing for beautiful women. And like Solomon, he sees no reason to deny himself. 

So for this book, I actually start with a warning, which I have never done before. I want my readers to know that this is a story of redemption, that it is closed door, but it also has a point-of-view character who is lost to sexual sins at the start, so he’s thinking that way. Again, nothing explicit, but it’s definitely not ignored. 

I haven’t written enough of book three, Amazed, to really rank it well with the others, but thus far it’s “warmer” on the scale than Aflame…not sure how it compares directly to Awakened. Might get close, certainly no “more.”

So…there we have it. My view of romantasies in general, why I love them, and my goals with writing my own. More, my reasons for writing this series as I’ve done. And to remind us all that God has no problem with big romance and strong attraction…as long as we still honor Him through it.

On Broken Vessels in Leadership

On Broken Vessels in Leadership

When I shared my disillusion with my political party in light of Trump and the way many Christians I know personally view him not as “the lesser of two evils” but specifically as someone to defend, no matter what he does, I heard from a lot of people who certainly didn’t go that far, but who began using a few phrases over and again (different people).

He is a “broken vessel” that God is using.

He is a King Cyrus.

He is a King David.

Now, I’m a historical novelist. I get the need to liken what’s going on today to what has happened before. This is a legit way to view our current world, through that lens of history, and something I love to do myself. Which means that when I see claims like those above, I can’t help but look into them.

First, what’s the point of the claims? Universally, they’re to point out that God uses imperfect, broken humans to bring about His divine will. I think we can all agree on that, right? He absolutely does.

God used King Cyrus, a foreign king who did not believe in the One True God but respected Him and those who did, to end Israel’s exile. In this context, Cyrus was called “anointed” by God, even calling him “my shepherd.” This example absolutely shows us that God will use even unbelievers to further His apointed work for His people. I love that. Could God be doing that with Trump? He absolutely could.

Is He? I think that’s a separate question, which requires asking what the will of God is for America. Which is a rather big question, and one I’ll put a pin for later. 😉 But for the purposes of this conversation, I think we can grant that this is always a possibility–that God will use our leaders, whatever their faith or beliefs, for His purposes.

But let’s not forget that God also used the kings who led Israel into exile and called them anointed for His purpose too, like Nebechudnezzer. Sometimes, His purpose for those He loves is not just to “restore” but to “break.” Those kings, too, served part of His divine will–but it doesn’t mean that will is desirable, nor does it mean it wouldn’t have better to repent and avoid the exile. And it certainly doesn’t mean we’re obligated to agree with our leaders on things just because they’re our leaders.

Two sides, same coin. Which is right? I’m not here to say…just to ask the questions.

But…what about that King David one? This one is actually traced to prophecies claiming that Trump is God’s “new David.” This one I find much more troubling.

Because David was not anointed for his raw power. David was not anointed for his money. David was not anointed because he was a “winner.” David was anointed because he had a heart that always chased after God.

He faltered, failed, and sinned grievously, yes. He did the unthinkable. And when the prophet Nathan pointed it out to him, he repented. This is what marks the Davidic heart and anointing, in my opinion. NOT what he did–but how he sought God.

Is that what our leaders today are doing? Are they rending their garments when spiritual leaders point out their hypocrisy? Are they refusing to lift a hand against the previous leaders, also anointed by God (if we truly believe that passage from Romans 13 that say that ALL authority is put in place by God…which includes Biden, Obama, and Clinton)?

Which brings me to the broken vessels.

Does God use broken vessels? ABSOLUTELY, and I praise Him for that mercy. Because we’re all broken.

But here’s the thing–God does not leave us broken. When He pours His spirit into us, His vessels, the point is always to pour it back out onto those around us. When we’re broken, cracked, full of holes, that Spirit and its fruits can’t flow like it’s supposed to…it spills into the ground in waste. But we serve the Potter.

He mends us. Fixes us. Reshapes us. We may never reach perfection this side of heaven, but that doesn’t mean He expects us to remain in that cracked and broken state in which He finds us. Right? When we put ourselves into the Potter’s hands, we are trusting Him to make us into something new–a new vessel.

That’s the healing power of His love, of His mercy, of His grace. 

That’s the David spirit. 

So…again, is that what we’re seeing? First in ourselves–am I letting Him fix my broken places? Am I submitting to Him in humility? Am I putting myself in His hands and truly trusting Him to correct my vision where it’s wrong, to repent of my own bad behavior and sins, to be made into something new? Am I asking Him to point out the error in my assumptions and judgments?

Or am I clinging to my brokenness and even glorifying it? Am I proud to be judgmental? To be set in my ways? To be convinced I’m right? Am I more concerned about my vessel than the work it’s supposed to be doing? More focused on being one of those “for honor” than in the people I’m supposed to be serving?

The question always has to start with me–with us. And I am never going to say someone else is or is not a genuine Christian…but if they claim to speak for people of faith, I will look at their fruits, because that’s what we’re told to do, and decide whether I’ll align with them or not. Whether I will let them speak for me. Sometimes, you can see very clearly where those broken places are. I’m not saying to judge them for them. But I think we do need to ask ourselves what our lines are in those we support.

Yes, David was an adulterer and a murderer. Not marks in his favor. But he did repent. He did not claim that sin as a win.

When it comes to politics, we’re never going to have anything but broken vessels to choose between–we’re all just people, after all. All broken. But how do we determine which cracks we’re okay with and which we’re not? Are we honest enough to admit that it’s because of what they do for us?

And do we extend that same graceful analogy to those we don’t agree with? Do we say that God used Stalin and Hitler and Mao for His purposes too? Do we admit that sometimes His purposes are to test us, and sometimes He finds us lacking? That sometimes the leaders He puts in place are to shake us down? Sometimes, even, to see if we’ll follow a human leader above following God, like with the kings of old who led Israel into idolatry?

Does saying someone was anointed by God mean we don’t hold them accountable for their sins and failures, that we excuse anything they do as long as they fight for what we want? I don’t think it does. I think we’re called to answer to God above man, and that He is watching what we condone. I don’t believe the ends justify the means. I don’t believe the outcome is all that matters. I believe the how matters too, and that we can’t honestly say “I can’t stand before God if I voted for a baby-killer” and not also say, “I can’t stand before God if I voted for an adulterer” or “someone who refused to feed the poor” or “someone who said he refuses to forgive.” All of those are sins. What ranks one above another?

We are all broken vessels, our elected officials included. But are we content to stay that way? Or will we let the Spirit that He pours into us remake us…even when that means letting go of the sins we’ve clung to so fiercely, for so long?

Other Hard Topics Posts

Is America a Christian Nation?

Is America a Christian Nation?

I don’t think anyone could argue against the assertion that America’s foundational documents are greatly informed by Christian principles…but are we truly a Christian nation?

read more
Why Now?

Why Now?

Should I be worrying about these things while I’m fighting cancer?

read more
A Soft Answer

A Soft Answer

A soft answer really does turn away wrath–and one that seeks to understand rather than be understood can make new friends. I can prove it.

read more
Who Should Help the Poor?

Who Should Help the Poor?

Who should help the poor?

The Church? The State? Is it a mutually-exclusive thing?

What is the proper role of the government, according to biblical teaching?

Is it immoral to help the poor of other nations rather than focusing on your own?

These are all questions that have come up in the many conversations about hard topics that I’ve been involved in lately, and I think they’re really important questions to dig into.

So let’s start with the Scriptures. We know that the church is called upon to help those less fortunate. The most direct and straight from Jesus’s mouth is Matthew 25:31-46 (ESV). I’m not going to quote the whole long passage here, but rather focus on a few key parts.

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on his glorious throne. 32 Before him will be gathered all the nations, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 And he will place the sheep on his right, but the goats on the left. 34 Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36 I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’

First, something jumped out at me recently that hadn’t before, and it’s that Jesus calls together all the nations. Now, yes, whenever “all the nations” are discussed in the Bible, it just means “all people.” But we also know that Scripture has layers, and that nations struck me recently. He judges us individually, separating us out from those “nations,” but that’s still where we start. Each nation will have sheep and goats within it. Those who did His will and those who didn’t.

And He clearly charges us here with taking care of the “least of these.” Feeding those who are hungry. Giving drink to the thirsty. Welcoming the stranger. Clothing the naked. Visiting the sick. Going to those in prison.

I don’t know about you, but I need to really take a look at those things and asking myself if I’m doing them. Am I feeding the hungry, or am I judging them for not going out and earning their own bread? Am I giving drink to the thirsty, or do I assume they’re drunkards? Am I welcoming the stranger, or am I calling him “other” and turning away in fear or disdain? Am I clothing the naked or proclaiming them indecent? Am I visiting the sick or saying they’re getting their just deserts by not living healthy lives? Am I going to those who have been arrested for breaking the law and ministering to them, or am I judging them as garbage and claiming I’m carrying out divine justice?

I don’t know about you, but I fall woefully short. One of my few excuses is that I support people who do these things more directly. Is that enough? I don’t honestly know. So I focus on who God puts before me, the opportunities He gives, the responsibilities He’s given me. And I also admit my own situation–I am a cancer patient who is one of the sick right now. That hinders what I can do in this season. I trust that my God of grace will be merciful, as long as my heart seeks to do these things, and as long as I don’t turn away from them.

But that has led me to another new question.

See, I’ve been involved in many conversations in the Church where we asked, “Who should care for the poor? The Church, right? Not the government. It should be our responsibility.”

I think the answer to this is definitely a “Yes” on “The Church should.” The Church absolutely should care for the poor.

But does that mean the government shouldn’t? Jesus himself doesn’t get into what the government should or should not do, but we know from the Old Testament that Israelite kings were judged based on how they cared for the poor. And when Paul is listing the duties of a government, I think we have to grant the list is NOT exhaustive. He mentions specifically in Romans 13:

  • Rulers are a terror to bad conduct, not to good
  • Has the right to punish bad behavior
  • Collect taxes
  • Ensure order

This also follows Romans 12, in which Paul exhorts the Roman church to live at peace with everyone, as much as is possible. To outdo each other in respect and love and to always bless those who persecute them, to bless and not curse. He is speaking to a people who have no active role in the government, who are solely subject to it. He does not ever tell Romans to expose their children, as the pagans do. To obey the Roman law to acknowledge Caesar as divine. And so on. He is very clear that we need to obey God above man, when the two are in conflict. Nor does he ever say it’s bad for the government to help people who are vulnerable…he was simply addressing Christians living in a time and place where the government didn’t.

But would Jesus ever look at us and say, “You can feed the poor, you churchgoer–but you, you government agent, you can’t”? Would He say, “It’s okay to give money to the church to do it” but “It’s not okay that the government spends money on it”?

We are compelled to pay our taxes–Paul and Jesus both say so. Should we object if that money goes to help others? (This takes on even deeper meaning to me when I ask that question, like last week, of “Are we a Christian nation?” If I believe we are, shouldn’t I then believe it’s my country’s job to live this out too?)

And what if that aid isn’t for our own citizens, but others?

Again, there are Scriptures that tell us we should not neglect the care of our own. And there are Scriptures that praise the Churches of the New Testament for rendering aid to foreign churches, even from their lack and definitely from their abundance. But Paul never speaks to the authorities. Does that mean they should not aid others?

And are we neglecting our own if we do so? Or are we trying to do both?

If I’m approaching this question from a “Kingdom of God First” perspective, rather than a “nation first” perspective, the answer looks simple to me (though of course, I know that carrying it out is complicated). It looks like I’d always err on the side of doing good, of helping the poor of the world, of ministering to the least of these, whether the agency that does that on the ground is sent by my Church or my government. I believe people can serve God both from religious and non-religious organizations. I don’t think a nation will ever be judged harshly for doing so.

I also understand that from the “nation first” perspective, people see it differently. That we need to protect Americans first, focus on our own. I get those that say the Church needs to be the ones doing these good things–and agree. We do. But again, is it exclusive? As the most abundant country on earth, can we do both? Like those New Testament churches, would we not be praised for helping the needy around the world while we take care of our own?

As my husband and I talk through these things, as we talk about programs that don’t have enough funding for those who are entitled to it as Americans because non-citizens have found a way to use the programs too, I always start from the standpoint of “Well the system needs fixed, then, to keep them out.” And then my husband, who is always the prodder, will ask, “Is it ever wrong to feed people?” And I pause. Is it? Is it ever wrong to feed people?

In early Christian writings like the letters of Clement of Alexandria, the early church was dealing with these very issues. They made a premise of generosity and hospitality, and there were people who took advantage of that. So do you know what the advice was to those churches? Clement advises that it’s better to give generously to those who are undeserving than to risk hardening our hearts against those who are deserving; recognizing that we can’t always be sure. We’re assured that God will never judge us harshly for our generosity–though He may judge those who ask when they don’t need it. That’s for Him to do. Our primary concern ought to be making sure our own hearts are soft and receptive as we deal with “the least of these.”

Are they? I know mine hasn’t always been, and that’s something I continually work through. 

I know, of course, there are limits–limited funding, limited resources, limited manpower. There are always limits when we put feet to the Gospel. And so, priorities have to be made. And when priorities have to be made, you can bet that people will argue about it. This is reality.

But maybe, if we can remember that helping others is ALWAYS good, we can reintroduce some civility into the debate of how best to live that out. Maybe we can remember that God loves them as much as He loves us. And maybe that will help us view the questions a bit differently.

Other Hard Topics Posts

Is America a Christian Nation?

Is America a Christian Nation?

I don’t think anyone could argue against the assertion that America’s foundational documents are greatly informed by Christian principles…but are we truly a Christian nation?

read more
Why Now?

Why Now?

Should I be worrying about these things while I’m fighting cancer?

read more
A Soft Answer

A Soft Answer

A soft answer really does turn away wrath–and one that seeks to understand rather than be understood can make new friends. I can prove it.

read more