Forgiveness.

We know it’s important. We KNOW that. It’s a key line in the Lord’s Prayer–forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. It’s not only something we’re commanded to do, we confess in that prayer that we will only expect forgiveness in the measure in which we’re willing to give it.

We hear that Jesus gave the power to forgive sins to His disciples after His resurrection, along with the Holy Spirit. John 20:22-24 (ESV) says:

²² And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit.
²³ If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.”

But have we ever really pondered what that means? If you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.

I mean, whoa. Wait a minute. Is Jesus really saying here that we can choose NOT to forgive, and He won’t either? That God won’t? That someone’s sins can be held against him eternally because WE refuse to forgive?

I’m sure this is something theologians debate–and I’ll leave them to it. Whether He was speaking there to all believers or just His disciples, who became the Fathers of the Church, its first bishops, and so had authority that the common lay person did not. But even so…even so. Let’s consider.

And let’s consider with one particular example.

During the Twelve Days of Christmas, the Church celebrates the life and death of its first martyr, Stephen. We get his story in Acts, and I imagine it’s one we all know–he’s being questioned by the Jewish leaders and gives a stirring confession of Jesus as the Christ, he looks up and sees a vision of Heaven with Jesus sitting at the right hand of God…and that so infuriates everyone that they stone him to death then and there…and a certain man called Saul watched over the cloaks of those doing the stoning.

But there’s another portion of that story too. Stephen does exactly what Christ did in His final moments, exactly what Christ instructed us all to do: he forgave.

He forgave the people who were murdering him. He forgave the people who hated him. He forgave…Saul.

Saul, who of course we know went on to become Paul, the most prolific apostle, without whose writings the New Testament would be pretty short. Paul, who went on to bring the Good News of salvation through Jesus to the Gentiles. Paul, who was arguably one of the most influential Christians of all time.

So…what if Stephen hadn’t forgiven in those final moments? What if he–an ordained deacon in that earliest Church, appointed to service by the Apostles themselves–had instead “withheld forgiveness.” Or as other translations render it, what if he had “retained the sins” of his persecutors? If he had, therefore, withheld eternal forgiveness from Paul?

Would God still have called him…or would He have chosen someone else instead? What would the Church, the very Bible have looked like if Saul had never been blinded on the road to Damascus and converted to Christianity? I believe that the work would have gotten done, yes, through another person. God still would have given the spiritual instruction to His followers…but the words would be different. Biblical writers are God-breathed, but the character of the human author is still seen in them. They put their own touches, their own personalities into them. We even see Paul speaking in some of his letters from his own wisdom, not as a heavenly mouthpiece, per se, which he readily admits. So those instructions certainly would have been different.

The entire course of human history, of Church history, could have been changed if one man–Stephen–hadn’t forgiven.

Who are WE refusing to forgive? What bitterness are we clinging to? What grudges do we refuse to let go of? What people are we therefore hindering from some eternally significant task? Ouch, right? We know how clinging to unforgiveness hurts us…but have we ever considered that our unforgiveness could hurt everyone? That it could have an impact so far-reaching? Have we considered that, because God graciously invited us into His work, gave us authority through the Holy Spirit, our decisions can hold real authority over the spiritual well being of others?

Again, I’m no theologian. I’m not stating definitively that God wouldn’t have called Saul if Stephen hadn’t uttered those words. But I am saying that asking the question should make startlingly clear what Jesus tells us very plainly: forgiveness is inexorably linked to eternity. Forgiveness determines forgiveness. Forgiveness unites us with God. Forgiveness is powerful, for our own souls and for others.

So let’s take Jesus’s words in John 20 at face value: if we don’t forgive someone, they will be condemned for their sins. God will not forgive them.

Is our argument with them worth their soul? Are we willing to answer for that judgment?

Love is hard. Forgiveness is hard. But part of being called to the communion of saints, part of being a true part of the Church, means putting off our sinful natures with all their bitterness and embracing the heart of Christ–the heart that forgave even up until the last minute. An example we see His first martyr following in his last moment.

Don’t wait for your last moment, friend. Embrace forgiveness. Embrace it because it will help you heal; embrace it because it could lead them to salvation; embrace it because  we can’t know what sinners God will use to build a key part of His kingdom…but it could be them.

Embrace it because Christ did.

A year ago, I made an announcement here on my blog in a post called “Introducing Patrons & Peers.” I was launching a direct-support, Patreon-style membership group here on my website.

In that initial post, I explained the concept–you could join at two main levels, choosing your support amount within them. Each came with a minimum buy-in but was open from there. You could support me monthly, quarterly, or annually. All members receive a tote bag, digital access to a members-only page on my site with special opportunities to provide feedback or see things from my writer life that others can’t, a coupon to my shop, and access to our private email group and Marco Polo video chat group.

In that post, too, I shared my true hope and heart: that this group would become a community not just about ME and my work, but about ALL OF US, where we could each share our joys, our fears, our accomplishments, our failures, our hopes, and our needs. I wanted and prayed that this group would be what the Church is supposed to be–a place of unity and edification.

It’s now been a year since the group got off the ground with its first members–hilariously, two different young women named Hannah. 😉 I know I talked a bit a few months ago about how the community aspect of P&P had blessed me in amazing ways, but in light of our 1-year anniversary, I wanted to give a special shout-out to this amazing group of amazing, ordinary women who have become a part of my daily life and true friends.

We’re now 30 strong. Nearly all of the members are active either in the email group, in the Marco Polo app, or both. Their support has, from a purely financial standpoint, given me the freedom to say “yes” to some new writing projects. They’ve given me feedback on story ideas, made suggestions for my next biblical fiction with Guideposts, prayed me through exhaustion and cheered me on to deadline after deadline. Those who join at the Peer level get the first signed copies of my books as they release, and the Patron level gets any digital versions that I have the right to share, as happened with Shadowed Loyalty. We have special P&P tea parties for each release–the busiest Zoom parties I’ve ever hosted! We even had a retreat in October, in Georgia, where five of us (a few others had to cancel last minute due to sickness) got together for some creative pursuits, good food, and fun conversation each evening. It was such a great time that they made me promise it would become an annual event.

But it’s so much more than that. This group has become family. One of our members, Caroline, put it nicely a few weeks ago when she said, “You know, I think this group is so amazing because we’re just doing life together. We share the everyday things, you know?” I do. This is exactly why we’ve become such good friends so quickly–because we share the minutia, we share each prayer need and joy, we reminisce together, we read together, we show each other our pets and homes and land and families. We see each other’s children, hear them calling in the background of the video chat app. We talk about frustrations wtih work, concerns for our spouses, exchange funny bad date stories. We pray each other through sickness and share the thoughts we’ve had in our devotional readings that day or week. We share our vulnerabilities and are, in response, strengthened by each other.

We are the Church, living out its mandate to love each other and edify each other. And what I love so, so much, is that the other ladies have said over and again that their experience is just like mine–that they think about each other constantly throughout the day, praying for the needs and wondering about outcomes. That they linger over the insights others have shared and come to new discoveries in their own faith because of it. That they know that this group will be there, will support them, will love them through each trial. We can disagree on things, and that’s fine. Earnest conversation is fun and uplifting. We can cry with each other. We can laugh with each other. We send each other care packages and Christmas cards and hop on to the email or MP app in odd moments when we can’t sleep or are so excited about something or are in desperate need of prayer.

It was only a few weeks after one of the earlier members, Pam, joined that she put words to what we’d all been thinking but hadn’t yet said, “There’s something really special about this group.” She’s right. There is.

I’m still in awe of what my humble idea for Patrons & Peers has become…and I’m humbled each and every time they say, “Roseanna, thank you so much for starting this group!” They call it my obedience to God. They say that He knew they needed this, and that because I listened, we now have this group of friends and family that has so quickly become so important. It felt like a pretty big risk to me at the time. What if no one joined? What if no one found any value in it? What if it just sounded like money-grubbing? Why would anyone want to do this? But I did take the risk, and…wow. God did know. He knew that we all longed for this kind of community, and He gave us all the bravery and boldness to accept it when it was offered. He helped us all to open our hearts in vulnerability to each other.

And now not a day goes by that my family doesn’t hear me saying, “Lynn said… Pam told us this story… Candice shared… Caroline makes… Deanna’s mother-in-law… Betty’s husband… Danielle’s latest book…” and so on. We’ve learned from each other. We’ve helped each other. We’ve earned mentions in each others’ Christmas letters. 😉 Our members have been meeting up when travel takes them near each other. We share recipes and book recommendations and send each other cards and gifts. It’s just…amazing. It’s community. It’s family.

As always, the invitation to join the group remains open to whoever else feels the stirring of the Lord to accept that invitation. You can find the page with full explanation of “official benefits” here. You can read my initial post about it here. You can read my musings on the wonder of our community here. And of course, you can see what a few of the members have to say. Because they are what truly make this group worth joining.