Why Do I Love You?

Why Do I Love You?

by | Feb 14, 2024 | Thoughtful Thursdays

There’s a famous poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning called “How Do I Love Thee?” You’ve probably read it. But if it’s been a while, here’s a quick refresher of this beautiful, short poem (which is in the public domain):

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

You know what I love about this poem? That it doesn’t try to explain why she loves Robert. It doesn’t enumerate his good qualities or how she feels in his presence. It doesn’t talk about the way her heart goes pitter-patter when he smiles at her. It’s not about the why. It’s about the how.

And there’s something so very true about that approach to love, isn’t there? Because we rarely know why we love someone. We just know that we do. We know how it changes us, inspires us. We know how it creates life within our existence.

I am so incredibly blessed to have a husband who tells me many times a day that he loves me. Many times a day, he’ll just look over at me say, “You’re so pretty. How are you so pretty?” Or “I love just looking at you.” I mean, I’m no supermodel. And he usually says it when my hair’s still wet from the shower or a mess from bed. But when I get ready for the day and walk out–which I do most days even when I’m staying home to work, he’ll comment on that too. He’ll tell me how nice I look, how beautiful I am, how lucky he is.

And when I return the sentiments, this man I love so much will sometimes say, “I don’t know why. I mean, everyone should love you. I don’t know why you love me.” It’s become part of the dialogue, part of the script, part of the game. And over the years, my answer has changed. Sometimes it’s teasing, sometimes it’s ooey-gooey. But lately…lately I’ve settled on what I deem the truth. “I love you because you’re you. I love you because you’re my hunny.”

That’s what love is. We don’t just love the things someone does, the words they say, the way they look. We love them. And when we love the core of a person–the place from which all those other things flow–that’s when love roots deep. When it gets at the kind of love God has for us. Our Lord doesn’t love us because we pray or sing or come to church. He loves us. First. Because we are His. Because we are us. And then all those other things…those rise up and overflow from that love. Because He loves us, we learn how to love Him. And when we love Him–not for the things He does or the Words He says, or the way He appears, but for who He is…then our faith becomes unshakable too. Because our faith is just our love for Him.

I certainly didn’t love my babies because they’d done anything right or were great people the moment they were born. I loved them before they were ever even put in my arms because they were them. I didn’t know who that was yet. But I knew they were. And they were mine. Just like David. Just like the family I was born into. Just like my Lord.

On Valentine’s Day, we might give a gift to our special someone (or even many special someones, if you have kids!). We might plan a nice dinner or put on nice clothes. We might try to look our best for them. But if that doesn’t happen this year, you know what? It’s important to remember that those things aren’t part of the why. We don’t love people because they take us out to dinner. We don’t love them because they remember to buy cards. We love them because they’re them. We love them because we can trust them to love us for being us. All those outward things…yes, they can be an indicator of that soul-deep love. But they’re not always. They don’t have to be. People can take all the right actions and not have the right heart. People can have the right heart and not know the actions you want them to take.

Today, this month, this year, let’s not focus on the why. Not in our own lives, and not in other people’s. Let’s not ask why they love the people they do. Let’s praise God for the beauty of love that exists without reason. Love that exists because we do. Love that provides the strength, provides the goodness, provides the words and actions.

Let’s smile, because we know that the answer that may sound like a cop-out is actually the truest answer of all. Why do I love you? Because you are you.

Word of the Week – Flirt

Word of the Week – Flirt

by | Feb 12, 2024 | Word of the Week

With Valentine’s Day upon us, I thought it would be fun to pick a “romantic” word to examine today…and flirt wins because it’s a rather hilarious evolution. Because it didn’t always mean what it does now!

In fact, flirt began life in English around 1550 as the very opposite of what we think of today. It means “to turn your nose up or sneer at someone.”

Say whaaaaaat?

Not long after that, flirt and flick were used interchangeably…and then flirt and flit would be used interchangeably. This is a word that just didn’t know what it wanted to mean!

So how did it come to land on its current meaning? Etymologists have several theories. It could be because flit was used frequently to describe the actions of “giddy girls.” Or it could have been influenced by the French fleureter, which was “to speak sweet nonsense,” a word that was used to describe bees flitting from pretty flower to pretty flower and was borrowed to describe people who did the same, especially in conversation.

At any rate, our current meaning had evolved by the 1770s…and this flitting, flicking, flirting word finally settled on a meaning. And it hasn’t looked back since.

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Not Inspired

Not Inspired

by | Feb 8, 2024 | Thoughtful Thursdays

I’ll be honest. Though 100% of my income comes from creative endeavors…I don’t always feel inspired.

I don’t always want to write.

I don’t always want to design book covers.

I don’t always want to typeset a book.

I don’t even always want to work on sprayed edges or create beautiful pages or pretty up my website.

There are days and weeks when I don’t want to do any of the things that I do. Days and weeks when I’m tired and burned out and just don’t feel creative. There are days and weeks when I do all the normal things to jump start that creativity–I read and watch favorite movies or shows or try something new or just get extra sleep–and still. Nope. Don’t wanna. Don’t care. Don’t feel it.

And I can indulge that for a little while. I can give myself those times of refreshment and renewal for a few days or even a week, because I know they’re actually an important, crucial part of the creative process.

But here’s the thing…if you let a fallow time go on indefinitely, you know what you’re likely to stay? Fallow. Unproductive. Dormant.

At some point, you have to fire up the tractor and start plowing up those fields of creativity again. You have to start planting seeds. You have to get to work. And then…then the growth will follow. The flowers will bloom. The fruits will ripen. The harvest will come, eventually. But not until we get up and start moving.

So often, I have to get to work whether I want to or not–just like everyone else. And you know that saying about “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life?” Yeah, that’s nonsense. Even when you love it, it still requires WORK. It requires EFFORT. It requires MAKING yourself do things even when you’re not in the mood.

It’s supposed to. Because nothing in life always comes easily, with no problems to solve or inertia to push through or attitudes to overcome. Even the things we love take work.

No, wait. Let me rephrase that: Especially the things we love take work.

Think about it. The best, healthiest relationships don’t just exist from sheer luck. They’re solid, healthy relationships because you’re always tending them. And while most of the time that might be easy and fun, it isn’t always. You know that. Every married couple has to have hard discussions. Every best friend needs to be there through the times they’d rather skip. Every parent has cried tears over their child at some point.

It’s the fact that we put in the effort, that we deem it worth working for and at and on, that makes those relationships strong and healthy.

The same is true for our creative pursuits. Inspiration is, in a lot of ways, like a person. It comes for a visit on its own now and then, yes. When the mood strikes. But quite often, you have to be the one to invite it. You have to open the door to it. You have to feed it and get it talking. And then…then it opens up.

But not always–or even often–on its own.

I don’t always feel like being creative at the start of a day. The creativity comes because I sit down and start creating. I don’t always feel inspired. But when I start creating, the inspiration comes.

Ironic case in point: this very article. It was time to write my blog. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about. Quite frankly, I rarely know what I’m going to write about when I sit down. I just sit down. And I silently whisper a prayer. And I get started. I open up a new post, I stare at the screen for a while, and I start casting about for ideas. What have I been thinking about this week? What’s coming up in the next little while? What have David and I been talking about? And then I write a title. And then I come up with the words to match it.

When I write a book, I don’t always feel a strong drive do unfold this story right now, when it’s time to write. But it’s time to write. So I sit down, and I open my document, and I silently whisper a prayer, and I dive in. And then the characters take hold of me, the story lures me onward, and the inspirations comes.

Professional creatives don’t wait to be inspired. Professional creatives chase the inspiration. We sometimes have to wrestle it into the seat beside us. We work for that creativity. We work at it. We work on it. And you know what? When you’ve invested that much time and effort into building a strong relationship with inspiration…inspiration shows up for you. Just like your best friend.

Don’t wait for the mood to strike, my friend. Sit down and get started anyway. Create something. The inspiration will follow. It doesn’t like to feel left out. 😉

Word of the Week – Nervous

Word of the Week – Nervous

by | Feb 5, 2024 | Word of the Week

When we look at the word nervous, we immediately see that root word of nerves in there, so it’s no surprise to learn that the original, scientific meaning of the word was simply “something that contains nerves, affecting the sinews.” It comes via the Latin nervus, which meant “sinew, nerve.” Nervous began being used in that technical sense in the 1300s, and by the 1660s, it was used for anything “belonging to the nerves” as well.

Here’s the interesting bit though. Starting around 1630, it began to take on a metaphorical sense…but definitely NOT the one we’re familiar with! It was used to mean “showing vigor of mind, characterized by force or strength,” and was frequently used in reference to things like writing styles or energetic performances.

So when did our modern meaning begin to appear? Well, by the 1730s, the opposite meaning from the one above–“suffering a disorder of the nervous system”–had entered the language. And from there, it only took a decade for our familiar “restless, agitated, lacking nerve, weak, timid, easily agitated” definition to be established.

Interestingly, this meaning became so popular and so common that scientists were forced to coin the term neurological to differentiate actual “nervous system” meanings from the new definition!

Nervous wreck appeared as a phrase in the 1860s, as did nervous breakdown.

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Reach Farther

Reach Farther

by | Feb 1, 2024 | Thoughtful Thursdays

This week, a new planner arrived in our house, for my husband. It’s called the Monk Manual, and it’s part planner, part spiritual journal, part training. (Also, just very cool!) One of the reasons we got it for him to try is because it doesn’t just have regular planner stuff…it also encourages you to think through your weekly theme, to reflect at the end of each day on your victories and your challenges…and to have a day set aside to test your own limits. To push hard and see how you do.

This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about, especially this early in the year, when topics of productivity and efficiency and quarterly or yearly goals are talked about everywhere. And I’ll admit it. Often when I see things on how to be “more productive and efficient,” my hackles rise. Because I like to think I’m very productive. I like to think I’m constantly finding ways to be more efficient. And when I share what I’ve accomplished each week with my accountability partner, my P&P group, and my Write Here, Write Now Facebook group, the responses are always the same, and they always go something like this: “Wow, you amaze me. How do you get so much done?”

But there’s always room for improvement, and I know that. I know that because I’ve always thought I was good at managing my time well, and yet when I look back at where I was a decade ago, I see how far I’ve come.

What’s more, I hear so many creatives talking about the challenges of making time and space for their creativity, and I hear familiar refrains over and over. Refrains I myself have chanted time and again. There’s just not enough time…

Sometimes, it’s simply true. Sometimes, we manage everything perfectly well, but there’s just no more space. I know that feeling. I have days and weeks and even months where I know I’m using my minutes and hours wisely, but there still aren’t enough of them to do all the things on the list.

And yet…just as often, or even more often, we are simply content to stay within our limits. But what happens if we reach father? If we stretch? If we push?

I mean, the short answer is that the limits change places, of course. Much like physical exercise, we can push ourselves a little harder and a little harder, and we get stronger, faster, more flexible. The same is true in our work, our creativity, and our general goals.

Last Friday, my husband had an “establish your limits” day in his planner, and at the end of the day, he said, “You know, I really think I did it. I really think I pushed to my limits.” It was a challenge he set for himself, and one that left him feeling accomplished, even though he didn’t actually check off all the boxes of things he wanted to get done. He still knew he’d done a great job at what he did work on, and he hadn’t wasted time or energy. He established his natural limit for where he is at this point in his life.

Now that he knows that benchmark, he’ll strive to hit it regularly. Maybe not every day (because let’s face it, we all have off days!), but most days. It will become the norm. His routine. His standard.

And then he’ll add one more thing. Stretch a little farther. Work a little faster, perhaps. Tackle something that had seemed too big.

There are a lot of ways to stretch our limits. If stamina is our issue, we work a little longer, just by a few minutes. If we work the “right” number of hours but aren’t accomplishing what we want to in them, then maybe we focus on speed instead and try to find ways to make that hour-long task only take 50 minutes. Then 45. Then, maybe 30. If it’s the quality that needs work, then it may be wise to set aside time for learning and practicing.

The important thing, I truly believe, is that we reach. Higher, farther, wider, longer. Strain your muscles–your physical ones, your emotional ones, your spiritual ones, your mental ones. Don’t be content to stagnate where you are, even if you’re in a happy place. Try something new. Learn something more. Chase that dream you’ve always thought was beyond you.

What limits do you need to test and stretch this year?

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