Love the sinner, hate the sin.

You’ve heard this saying. I know you have. I’ve been hearing it all my life, and in its truest sense, it’s right. We are certainly called to hate sin. And we are certainly called the love everyone, neighbors and enemies alike. That includes sinners.

But what does this actually look like?

Well, Jesus gives us the ultimate example, of course. It looks like loving people so much, it breaks your heart to consider what separates them from the Father. It means giving your own life in order to keep them from paying the penalty for their sins. It means instructing people, showing them the Truth, teaching and living an example. It means bringing the kingdom of Heaven near to earth and showing people what it really means to live in the love of God.

I don’t imagine many of us quite live up to that though, LOL. I know that when I consider sinners–and let’s consider some really grievous ones, like those who hurt and abuse children, murderers, people who prey on the elderly–my first response to hearing about them is anger. Frustration. Disgust. I hate the sin, that’s for sure. And I want them to repent so they’ll stop doing it, stop hurting people. But it’s for the sake of those other people. The victims. In my natural state of reaction, I’m more concerned with the stopping than why they’re stopping. So if they’re arrested, awesome. Killed? Meh. I just want it to end.

This is natural. But it’s not what Christ modeled, and that’s something that’s been convicting me lately. He didn’t just want a sinner to stop sinning because of who they hurt. He wanted sinners to stop sinning because that sin stood between them and God. He wanted them to stop so that they could experience salvation. He wanted them to stop because He loved them.

But how did He approach this?

From what I can tell, He just focused on the love. When He saved the life of the woman caught in adultery, He didn’t have to sit her down and explain to her why adultery was wrong, did He? He didn’t look her in the eye and say, “I love you, but I hate what you’re doing.” He didn’t try to convince her of anything. All He did was offer forgiveness. All He did was refuse to condemn her. All He did was set her free and tell her to go, live her life, and sin no more. Now, I imagine “stop committing adultery” was pretty easy to check off her list. But sin no more doesn’t just mean the one sin she was caught in, did it? That woman would have gone home and embarked on a lifelong journey to figure out what “sin no more” really means. And she would have done it, because she understood that He was calling her to something higher. Because He loved her enough to save her life.

How do we approach the sinners who cross our paths? I think far too often, we focus on hating the sin. We say we love the sinner, but what we really mean is that we want them to stop sinning so that we can love them. We want them accept Christ so that they can be washed clean and then enter into fellowship with us. But we have it backward. We need to love them first. Just as they are. Love them messy, stinky, dirty, selfish, greedy, violent, hateful, bitter, perverted, nasty. Love them because they are a child of God, a bearer of His image, and He loves them so much He gave His Son’s life for them. He loves them so much, and just wants them to come home. Now, when they enter His mansion, they’ll see how spotless it is, how gleaming, how pure, and they won’t be able to help but look down at their own hands and see the filth there. Let Him do that work, that convicting.

We just need to focus on the love. My new mantra is going to be “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Which is to say, “Just love the sinner.” I need to focus on the love, not the hate. Because if I truly love them, it will include wanting better for them. It will include wanting them to reconcile with the father. But it will focus not on what they’re doing, but rather on their heart and soul. On who they are beneath the actions.

How can you demonstrate love today to the worst among us?

Tomorrow is the inauguration here in the US. And the word tense doesn’t begin to describe the state of America right now. I don’t know your political stance or who you voted for. I don’t need to know. But if you’re reading my blog, chances are pretty good that you’re a Christ-follower. So no matter our politics, we ought to be living up to THIS standard:

“As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, gentleness, and patience.”
~ Colossians 3:12

I feel like I could just stop there, LOL, and let the verse speak for itself, right? In heated political climates, those virtues are often sorely lacking, and that is certainly the case now. But let’s examine them together, okay?

Compassion. A word we know so well we probably never pause to look it up. But the dictionary definition of compassion is “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with the desire to alleviate it.” Literally it means “suffering with.” What that does NOT mean is denying that the other’s suffering exists; saying it’s nothing compared to YOUR suffering; saying they deserve it. What it does NOT mean is saying, “I wish it were otherwise but what can I do?” Compassion means putting yourself with the sufferer–and it does not specify that you show compassion only to those “on your side.” On the contrary, I think Paul is talking here about how we interact in the world. Because this, my friends, is how we show the world who Christ is. To whom did we see Him showing compassion? Sinners. Are we doing the same? Are we doing it especially when people attack our beliefs, our stances, our ideals?

Kindness. “The quality of being sympathetic or helpful.” Again, this isn’t just about how we treat our families and spouses and church members, right? This should be how the world sees us. The world should look at a Christian and go, “Wow. They’re so kind!” Is that how non-believers are viewing us right now? If not, we have some work to do. People should never have to fear how Christians will react. We should never be the ones characterized by violence and hatred and bitterness.

Humility. “Freedom from pride or arrogance.” This could also be explained as not seeking your own. When one is humble and filled with humility, one doesn’t have an agenda. We’re not seeking “my way.” When we’re clothed with humility, we seek ONLY to glorify God and to encourage others. We will do the best we can in any given situation…but never for ourselves. Humility doesn’t involve seeking power or control. It certainly doesn’t mean turning to violence when you think you’ve been wronged or justice has been perverted. This will happen, my friends. The world is, after all, still the world. Still a sinful place. But Christianity does not change the world by attacking it. Christianity changes the world by seeking an active peace and turning the other cheek. By modeling a better way.

Gentleness. This one backs up what I’ve been saying above, in case you doubted me, LOL. “Characterized by being free from harshness, sternness, or violence.” But are we gentle? It’s not a virtue that we’re usually taught to seek, really. We’ve built a culture that values the bold, the brash, the loud, the outrageous, the ones who shout from the rooftops, who tear down arguments, who rip enemies to shreds, who conquer on the battlefield. But we’re called to do the opposite. We’re called never to speak or act harshly. We’re called not to be stern. We’re called to steer clear of violence.

Patience. Patience doesn’t just mean waiting without complaining, like standing in line or enduring a toddler’s endless questions. It means “bearing pains or trials calmly.” It means “manifesting forebearance under provocation or strain.” Are you feeling provoked right now? Probably. Strained? Yup. Do you feel like we’re going through a trial? I daresay you do. Which means this is the time to shine the light of Christ more brightly. This is the time to model Christian patience. This is not the time to shout at the top of your lungs that a wrong has been done or that ruin is on its way or to lose your cool. It’s the time to turn to God in prayer and ask Him how we can show His love better. How we can love our enemies as He loves them. How we can be His hands and feet.

Something struck me the other day as I was contemplating how Christ interacted with the people in His world. The only ones He ever spoke harshly to were the religious leaders. The people who should have been responsible for helping the masses draw closer to God but who were instead seeking their own advancement, their own prosperity, their own righteousness. The only time we ever see Him resorting to violence was when confronting the people trying to profit from the sacrifice. When dealing with sinners, Christ ONLY offers compassion. He doesn’t even rebuke them–He doesn’t have to. They see perfection modeled in Him. They know, when they look at Him, what the better way is. All He has to say is, “You’re forgiven. Go and sin no more.”

When it comes to politics, all He ever says is “Give Caesar what’s Caesar’s.” He didn’t lead an uprising against the unjust, ungodly civilization that held His country under its heel. He didn’t call for Herod to be denounced and someone from David’s line to be put back on the throne. He didn’t participate in protests against Rome or spend His life advocating for the nation of Israel to, as a nation, renew its dedication to the Law. He spoke to individuals and called them to examine their hearts. He spoke to the marginalized, the outcasts, the hated, the overlooked, and told them to take heart. He spoke to the sinners and told them to step into a new life. He pointed out that if we love first, the rest of the law will follow.

So many people in Jesus’s day decided He couldn’t be the Messiah because He didn’t seek power on earth.

So many Christians today are fearful about what might happen if “our side” loses power. But here’s the thing, my friends. We don’t need political power. We don’t need to seek political power. We only need to model Christ. And He didn’t operate through policy or lobbies or law. He operated through LOVE. And He loves the sinner every bit as much as the saint. Let’s remember that it was the sinner He met with compassion, and the seemingly-righteous He called out. Let’s remember that we’re called not to seek our own way but to model His.

Let’s remember that we’re called to model Him–to model perfection–so that we don’t have to call out sin. All we should have to do is live out His love. He’ll take care of the rest.

I’ve always believed that stories change the world. This is no surprise–it is, in fact, one of the reasons I love writing novels, editing novels, publishing novels, and designing covers for novels. I believe in the power of fiction to touch hearts and tug on souls. But it’s also a power that is true of any story–including YOURS.

As I was rewriting Dreams of Savannah, these themes about the power of stories and storytelling really emerged more than they’d been in the original, and I absolutely LOVED exploring that theme! Cordelia doesn’t fully see the slaves in her house as people until she realized they have stories–that they love and hate, fear and hope, mourn and rejoice. That in their stories, she is not the heroine…she may in fact be the villain.

And that changes everything.

In the novel, Delia ends up collecting stories. Interestingly, this is a theme that also popped up rather unexpectedly for me in the second book in my Secrets of the Isles series, in the form a project that the heroine’s late mother and brother had been doing while she was away at finishing school. Which really just hammered home in my mind how crucial it is that we preserve our stories.

They’re what connect us to each other. To our communities. To our world. To our past. To our future.

As I was editing Dreams of Savannah and writing this new book, I came to a bit of an epiphany: I want to do this too. Not just tell my fictional stories–which I adore, and which I’ll keep on doing, for sure! But I also want to know the stories of the people around me. I want to know how my family arrived at where we are, and how yours did. I want to collect the stories of other people. I want to help them tell their own stories and preserve them for future generations and for their own kin.

That’s where the idea came from for a new project we just launched, called Seeing the Story. You can find the website at SeeingtheStory.com, and I hope you go and explore it. More, I hope you USE it to tell us your story!

Here’s what the site is in a nutshell: it’s a place for story-seekers, story-tellers, and story-collectors to gather. You can tell your story either in written form, in an audio recording, or in a video. If you have one written or recorded already, awesome! You can just upload it. But if you’ve never put down your stories and want to, we’re here to help! You can request a private Zoom link that you can access at any time, and either call in on your phone or do a video recording. All these stories will always remain your own; the only rights we request are to share them on the site and in the associated newsletter and social media.

So on the site, there will be sections for watching, listening, or reading the posts; you can also search by location, theme, family name, etc. You can sign up to receive the latest stories each week (once everything’s running fully with new stories to share, LOL), and you can share as many stories as you’d like!

Know this sounds interesting but not sure what stories you’d want to preserve? We have a list of interview questions to get you started.

Excited about this and want to record stories from your family or community? You can become a Story Collector and download the Collector Kit for free; it includes release forms, starter questions, a checklist of things to include in your bag, and advice on conducting interviews at your church, library, or family events! You can even request (or purchase) some stickers. =)

It’s when we know each other’s stories that we can truly begin to understand each other, and to love each other. Would you tell me yours?