A couple weeks ago, a couple things happened in the course of a few hours that made me pause and think, not just of who I want to be, but of who I don’t want to be.

It started with an author newsletter that came into my inbox a couple days before. In this newsletter, the author in question mentioned a very strong political opinion that I very strongly disagree with, LOL. I believe I said something to my husband along the lines of, “And she’s lost me.”

Then, on the day in question, another newsletter of hers came into my inbox. I scrolled down to the bottom and clicked “unsubscribe,” so of course it took me to the page where you confirm that choice.

And I sat, and I looked at that button, and I thought, “Is this who I want to be? Do I really want to disassociate myself with someone just because we disagree about one particular political stance?”

I stared at the button for a few seconds. And then I closed out that window, leaving my subscription intact. Why?

Because I don’t want to be the kind of person who creates an echo chamber for herself. I don’t want to be the kind of person who just stops listening to people I disagree with about something. Nope. In fact, I want to be the kind of person who seeks out those opinions I don’t always agree with. Because if I don’t hear them, don’t engage with them in my own heart and mind, don’t love them through our disagreements, I run the risk of becoming a two-dimensional, thoughtless bigot.

That’s not who I want to be.

On that same evening, I saw a comment on a post of mine on Instagram in which someone blasted me for becoming Catholic. Now, this was on that post a couple weeks ago about visiting other churches and how I didn’t fully appreciate this until becoming Catholic. I know whenever I post something publicly about this change, that I open myself up for all the “Catholicism is a cult” comments. And I expected it on my blog post here, honestly. Still, I was a bit surprised to see it on Instagram for some reason (don’t ask me why). (For reference, it looks like the commenter deleted her original comment, and hence all our many, many replies to each other, so no point in going to look, LOL.)

Naturally, I saw this comment right before bed, too. Which means that I went to bed wondering if my response was good enough, loving enough, compelling enough. Wondering if I had responded with grace enough to this comment of “I used to read your books, but now I don’t.” I wondered if I’d shown the love of Christ brightly enough.

I got up the next morning, and there was another reply, saying that she hoped I truly did still write for Christ (part of my reply to her), but that Catholicism was still wrong.

Coming up with a reply made me again consider who I want to be…and who I don’t.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who shuts down conversation–ever. I want to be the kind of person who encourages it.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who ignores those who disagree with me. As Dale Carnegie teaches so well in the amazing book How to Win Friends and Influence People*, a gracious reply to an argumentative comment can win friends that neither a caustic reply nor ignoring them can. I have made this my policy–any time I get comments or emails that attack, I do reply–with love and understanding. I first seek to understand their point and where they’re coming from. I want to address any disappointment I have caused. I want to consider their stance. I want to honor the time they’ve taken to reply to me. I want to appreciate them.

I obviously don’t agree when someone says, “Yeah, but you’re still wrong.” But I can grant that they believe it, and that their beliefs are valid. I can appreciate that the parts they’re focusing on have truth to them, even if I’ve been satisfied that they’re parts of a greater truth with more nuance than I think that subject alone conveys. I can even appreciate that they’re so passionate about a given topic that they would go out of their way to comment about it on someone else’s post.

I won’t be the person who dismisses others for their beliefs.

I won’t be the person who lets disagreement tarnish the love that should be at the core of my faith.

I won’t be the person who lets offense lead to broken relationship, even with a veritable stranger.

I won’t be the person who devalues someone because we have different opinions or understandings.

You and I probably agree about a lot. We probably disagree about a little. And you know what? That’s not only fine, that’s good. It’s through disagreement that earnest dialogue is begun. It’s through dialogue that people come to deeper understanding of a topic. It’s through that quest for deeper understanding that we learn more and more about this awesome God we serve. It’s through that deeper understanding of God’s glory that we develop deeper and better love for one another and for the world.

I won’t be the person who chooses hatred or disagreement instead. I will be the person who chooses love.

* This is an affiliate link. Please see footer for standard disclaimer.